That Night
by let-y0ur-hair-d0wn
Summary: Jade and Cat have an amazing night their very first year at Hollywood Arts during their first high school party that changes everything. Cat secretly suffers but what about Jade? Three years later when Tori gets involved what happens? CADE and JORI WARNING: Smut, Dark, Depressing themes, Self harm, Trauma, etc. Please Review!
1. Prologue

**Hey this is the first chapter of this story it's the prologue. The other chapters will be longer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious...If I did then I wouldn't be on fan fiction. I know that many people are angry at Dan Schneider for multiple reasons and I understand completely. However, I don't think anyone could truly write about Victorious better than him. **

**Hope you enjoy :)**

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Jade POV:

_I wanted to have some fun. She was so pure and innocent, untouched...she just had to be corrupted and that's what I did. _

_I knew the punch had been spiked even if it wasn't me who did it, it was part of my plan. She loved the fruity beverage and she was just so clueless to what it had really been. She's so childish and the taste made her jump up with excitement but she didn't realize she was falling into my trap. _

_She was slowly becoming wasted but she didn't know and continued re-filling her plastic red cup. She became extra hyper but started slurring her words and stumbling with every step she took. _

_The ice surrounding my heart made me not even care that she was so innocent. My conscience was on mute, not telling me that this was wrong and I shouldn't take advantage of her. _

_I caught her within the crowed of people dancing. I grabbed her small warm hand with light pink nail polish and tugged it gently to get her attention. She looked at me with a wide bubbly smile. I led her upstairs that night to the bedroom of a boy that I didn't even know. _

_Before I knew it our lips were colliding and I pushed her onto the bed. I could barely taste the bitter taste of rum with her piña colada lip gloss mixed with the taste of fruit punch. She was so intoxicating and it wasn't hard for me to lose all control. I had never lost control like this with anyone else but of course that was pushed to the back of my mind. _

_Eventually when all her clothing were off I ran my hands around her warm smooth skin and it made her shiver slightly, goosebumps awakening around her skin. My lips touched her skin and sucked, leaving marks all around her skin. _

_She willingly let me take control, not even protesting once. She just went along with it because she didn't know better. _

_My lips touched her entrance. I licked, sucked, and tasted her folds. Her moans and giggles only made me lose myself even more. _

_When my finger entered her she moaned loudly. I slowly started pumping in and out, not even feeling guilty that I was taking her innocence away. She screamed my name and I lost myself even more while I continued pleasuring her. _

_I added more fingers since her insides were so tight and needed to be loosened. She finally exploded onto my fingers. I licked her liquid off my fingers and then sucked her entrance clean. _

_She tasted so sweet. Even though I was so bitter I craved that sweet taste more than anything at that moment._

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**Please Review! Give me any instructive criticism because I want to improve and make this fic great. **


	2. Scar like Jade

**Okay so I got three follows last chapter that I uploaded yesterday so I figured I would update. This chapter is much longer and has a lot more detail. I actually cried while writing this chapter because this chapter gets really in depth to how this affected Cat Valentine. Please review and tell me what you think! **

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Cat POV:

"Guess what?" Tori asked me, walking up to my locker.

"What?" I asked cheerfully.

"Beck and Jade broke up again...and Jade asked me out!" Tori said happily.

My smile didn't fall on the outside but on the inside those words cut right through my heart. They were the last words I wanted to hear. It was bad enough seeing Jade with Beck but now I had to see her with Tori?

"You like Jade?" I asked sounding happy for her but I really wasn't happy.

I had always thought Tori was boy crazy. I thought that Tori hated Jade and vice versa. I didn't want to believe that what I was hearing could possibly be true.

"Yeah! I have for a while now. Ever since we went to Nozu so we could fix our chemistry for that play, I realized that I wanted her to be my friend so badly because I liked her." Tori explains.

I looked down. I felt tears sting my eyes so I pushed them back.

"Don't let her go... When you have her...don't let her go..." I said, losing my cheerfulness for a moment.

I mentally scolded myself for losing my cheerful, bubbly personality for that moment.

I don't know why I gave Tori that advice. I didn't want Tori to have her at all but of course I said it anyway. Tori doesn't understand the value of having Jade. I've wanted Jade for three years and I couldn't have her. Tori just gets her so easily and it hurts.

Tori looked at me confused with her eyebrows furrowed. I knew that had given away too much and Jade would hate me if she'd found out I said that. I cover it up by smiling at her happily.

"Have fun!" I say happily, covering up what I had just done and skipped away.

Tori walked to class in the other direction. I went to the janitors closet and locked myself inside. I slid down the door and sat on the cold ground. I buried my face in my knees and cried. Crying is annoying. When you cry your eyes become blood shot red, puffy, they sting, and it ruins your makeup. It was hard to breathe because the tears wouldn't stop and nether would the sobbing. Regardless of how annoying crying is, I couldn't control it.

Whenever I close my eyes...I image her touching my bare skin. It's feels so real. Her long, slim pale fingers. I see her beautiful crystal blue lust filled eyes staring at me like I'm the only girl in the world and the only thing on her mind. I remember her kissing my skin with her pink full soft lips. I remember when she kissed my lips and I loved the feeling of her lips against mine, the kiss was so heated and passionate. It felt so good and so amazing that night but now it hurts thinking about what I can't have. She rejected me.

A few years ago at our very first year of Hollywood Arts and my first high school party, we had the most amazing night of my life. Nothing can compare to how I felt that night but what she had said after had made me go spiraling down and nothing could stop me from falling.

"_This can never happen again. Forget about it. It meant nothing." She told me._

My innocence was gone and I could never have it back. She used me. I let her use me. I felt so dirty for willingly letting her have me. I was so stupid that I didn't even realize that she was using me. I want so badly to hate her...but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

Whenever I take my clothing off to get changed, I think about how amazing her touch had been. The tingles I felt as her fingers moved around my bare skin so gently. I hate how ever since that night almost everything reminds me of her. I've drowned in my thoughts of her and there's no way out. I'm falling down father into the deep water. The water suffocates me in sadness and darkness. I want to be able to breathe again and be happy. I keep trying to swim up so I can breathe, I try to float but she keeps pulling me down and she doesn't even realize it.

She's just so beautiful and her curves are so sexy. Her touch is so powerful and I crave it but I can't have it.

Because of her, no one knows me anymore. My entire bubbly air head personality is an act to protect myself. People can not know I'm broken.

I learned that the world isn't a happy place and people can hurt you. I don't want people to hurt me if they know the real me. No one likes a girl who is broken and un-happy. People love me with my bubbly personality so I know that no one will love me if they know I'm sad. I can't be rejected again.

I haven't been able to be happy with either thoughts of her or the new dark thoughts I have taking over my brain. The only thing that gives me release from the hurt I still feel are the scars I create on my arms. The physical pain makes my emotional pain feel better.

No matter how many scars I have on my arms, it's nothing compared to the scar I have in my heart. That scar is like Jade. Once it makes an appearance in my heart and gives me pain, it's always there. I can never get rid of a scar no matter how much I want to. I can never get Jade out of my heart or out of my mind because she's a scar and it stays there.

I prefer that no one can see through me. Since everyone thinks I'm happy they don't suspect that I cut myself. I get tired of acting so bubbly and being so fake but there's no point of anyone knowing who I really am. No wants to fix me and no one can fix me.

After what happened, Jade didn't even want to be my friend. She had avoided me until she started dating Beck. When she finally talked to me again she acted cold and numb. Colder than she had before that night. I had to pretend like I was unfazed by that night and it was hard.

It was hard to act so friendly toward her and looks so happy around her when in reality it was painful. It's hard to feel bad for her whenever her and Beck break up. I didn't want Beck to have her then and I don't want Tori to have her now. I wanted to have her all for myself. All I wanted was to have her kissing me. To have her touch me the way she had that night. I want to have her heart. I want her to think about me how I think about her. I want her to love me and no one else but me.

There was no chance that she would change her mind about what we did that night. She said that night was nothing and she meant that. She had forgot about that night and about me. She didn't care about me. She didn't feel what I felt. That spark between us that is so amazing and she just couldn't feel it

I had tried dating several guys just to get over her. It hadn't worked once. She had been the only person I could think about every single time. I didn't want what I could have, I wanted what I couldn't have. Sure that made me feel guilty for being selfish but I just wanted her. No kiss any of those guys gave me compared to the kiss she had given me that night and I wanted to have that kiss again.

I fished through my bag and held the razor blade in my hand. It was extremely sharp and I knew it would leave a mark. A mark different than the ones Jade left on my body that night. Those marks felt good and they were temporary. These marks are permeant but it gave me the relief I needed. I needed it now.

I put it at the end of my wrist and dragged it across, creating a new scar. It looked like a red line. Seeing my own blood gives me relief. It's my only way out, where I can feel better for a while. It makes the pain feel okay.

I wanted more. I was addicted. I needed more. I slid the razor horizontally across my wrist two more times to feel even better. The tears continued pouring down my eyes. I hate what I've become. I never wanted to be someone who needs to hurt themselves to feel better, but that's who I am now.

I pulled my sleeve down to cover what I did to myself and put the razor blade back into my bag. I sat in the closet and the tears continued falling freely down my cheeks. My nose became clogged and I had to sniffle to clear it but it would clog again no matter what. My sobs were still blocking my breaths from coming through clearly so I would take deep breaths in between sobs. The back of my throat stung and all I could taste were salty tears.

I was used to crying but this was worst. This is probably the worst I have felt in a really long time...and like I said, the majority of the time all I feel is pain.

ToriandJade, JadeandTori. It sounded painful and wrong. I didn't like it. It hurt just thinking that it could happen. I want CatandJade, JadeandCat. No matter how much she hurt me, I want her but I can't have her.

I fished through my bag and pulled out some extra makeup. All I had was bush, eye liner, and mascara. I pulled out a mirror and just as I suspected my eyes were puffy blood shot red. My mascara and eyeliner were running down my cheeks. I looked around the closet and found enough toilet paper on a rack. I took a roll of toilet paper and used some to wipe my face.

I finished fixing my makeup in ten minutes so it wasn't the best job but it helped hide the fact that I cried. You could still tell I was crying because of my red puffy eyes but it was going away.

I opened a crack of the door and saw the hallway was completely empty. I took a deep breath and walked out of the closet with my bag. I didn't want to join class late so instead I sat on the ground in front of a group of lockers. I put my legs into the shape of a pretzel and just sat there thinking my usual thoughts that no one knows exist.

Students started filing out and I saw Tori coming toward me. Her again. I took a deep breath ready to act happy and bubbly again.

"Hey Cat. Why weren't you in class?" Tori asked.

I suddenly remembered that I had science class first with Tori.

"I didn't finish the homework last night." I said, lying through my teeth.

"But the homework was due tomorrow." Tori reminded me.

"I know. I meant my next class." I tell her, covering up.

She slowly nods.

"Okay... Hey I'm so excited for tonight." Tori says excited with a wide smile.

"What's tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah my date with Jade." Tori tells me.

I felt myself falling even more and nothing could stop me. I was falling deep into the water and like always I could never float. I didn't know her date was tonight and it only makes me feel worst that if everything goes well, I might see them together tomorrow.

"Oh wow! Jade on a date! That sounds fun." I ramble off.

"Yeah, I'll tell you everything don't worry." Tori said.

I'm not sure whether knowing about Tori's date with Jade is something I want to know about or something I don't want to know about. I think it would hurt me even more if I found out that they had an amazing date although I might feel better if the date went absolutely horribly.

"Yay! Have fun." I say cheerfully.

"Thanks I will." Tori says, smiling. "Well, I gotta get to class." Tori tells me, walking off.

I get up from where I am in front of the lockers and go to my next class.

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**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please Review and tell me what you think and if you like it so far. Please Review! I got no reviews last chapter and I really don't know why but if I get some this time I'll update faster. If you don't like it so far that's fine but at least put that in your review so I can at least know whether this is good or not. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	3. Frozen and Numb

**Hey, sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks. I got a little stuck on this chapter so it took long to write. Unfortunately there isn't any Cade really. A little Jori though. There is a very small reference to Cat however. If you find the reference then PM me and the first person will get a sneak peak of chapter 4 before I release it. Also thank you for your reviews I loved hearing them and thanks for following this story or putting it on your favorites and thank you for reading it period.**

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Jade POV:

Over the weekend Beck broke up with me because he said things weren't the same between us. I guess that's true because we were broken up for around nine months before we got back together again and it was a lot of time apart. I figured Tori would be perfect to date now. She's definitely beautiful, her personality is nice and it can be a little annoying although I could learn to tolerate it. My breakup with Beck wasn't much of a surprise. I was never in love with him because I don't want to fall in love.

I never cared about labeling myself as bisexual, lesbian, or straight...just fuck all that bull shit because it's stupid. I wanted to go out rather than just sit around because I wasn't affected by this break up. I asked her out this morning at school and she actually agreed.

Now school has been over for a few hours and I was lying on my bed with my eyes closed. Only the sounds of my breathing through my slightly parted lips could be heard. I didn't mind because the silence was relaxing if I was alone. My right hand gripped the wrist on my left arm while it rested on my stomach that rose and fell with every breath I took.

All the lights in my room were off and there was no sense of light, not even coming from the windows because the shades were all the way down. I've always loved darkness. Darkness is like nirvana. I could just drown myself in it and there would be no other care in the world.

I get off my bed and walk downstairs to the kitchen in my house. I reach up into the cherry wood cabinets and get a tall glass. I put it at the edge of the counter and turn on the sink so I can drink tap water. My right arm absentmindedly slides toward the glass while I adjust the water temperature. I hear a loud breaking sound. I look to the ground and see a the broken glass pieces spread around the tile floor.

Most people would think a normal person would be annoyed that they broke something. Well guess what, I'm not normal. I'm annoyed that I have to clean it up but not that I broke it. I like breaking things...I even do it for fun. It really reliefs your stress and makes you feel much better. Pretty things are the easiest to break.

After I cleaned it with a vacuum and got myself another glass of cold water, I went upstairs to get ready for my date with Tori. I reached my room and brought the glass to my lips. I tilted it far and finished all the water in one gulp. The cold water hit my lips and that back of my throat instantly. Cold water is almost like my heart except I didn't have ice in my water and my heart has ice around it.

I put the glass on my black side table next to my bed. I turned a light on so I could see the closet. I put on a black of the shoulder shirt with a bear of black skinny jeans. I also wore a scissor necklace I owned and combat boots. My dark makeup was already done from this morning and my hair was already curled with purple streaks.

I got into my car and drove to Nozu where we agreed to meet. I got out of my car and walked inside the restaurant where I saw Tori sitting alone at a table looking at a menu. She was wearing light blue jeans with a brown jacket and a coral tank top under. Her brown hair was curled and fell nicely down her shoulders. She looked up for a moment and sent me a smile. Her chocolate brown eyes locked with mine. Those eyes were definitely a charmer. Anyone would easily melt into them.

I walked over and took a seat across from her. Once she noticed I was sitting across from her she put her menu down. I didn't bother picking up my own menu because I already knew what I was in the mood for.

"Hey Jade." Tori greets. "So, why did you decide to ask me out?" She asked, with her usual bubbly smile.

I shrug. "I started to like you and I wanted to go on this date and see what happens." I explain.

Tori smiles in response.

"So why did you agree to go out with me?" I asked, tilting my head slightly.

"I've liked you for a little while and I guess I was hoping you would ask me out." Tori explains and I could see a blush coming to her tan cheeks making them crimson red as she played with her fingers nervously.

Why would she like me? I honestly don't know. I've always been mean to her and treated her horribly. How could she like me? That was a mind pounding question but I didn't really care enough to figure out the answer.

I slowly nodded in response and bit the inside of my cheeks.

The waiter comes and quickly takes our drink orders before leaving to get them.

"I didn't think you would ask me out because I thought you were into guys." Tori says, biting her lower lip.

Again with labels. I did date Beck and he's a guy so I understand why she would think I was into guys but I don't like putting labels on myself. I don't like labeling my sexuality and I don't like labeling my personality either. I hate labels. They don't mean anything.

"Labels don't fucking mean a thing...but I'd say bisexual." I tell her.

"I agree. People should embrace who they are and not care about labels or what other people think. I've always like that about you." Tori told me, smiling.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Just that you don't really care what other people think. You don't mind if your unique or different from other people." Tori explains.

Being unique was never something I minded. I always liked being my own person. I hate those people who feel the need to be a copy of someone else. There's a reason why everyone looks different from each other in some way. If everyone looked and acted the same then the world would be boring as hell and stupid.

"I hate being a copy of someone else. Like, if someone has the same clothing as me or whatever else...I hate them." I tell her.

"Usually if people copy someone it means that they like how you wore something or did something." Tori says.

"Yeah, whatever." I say, rolling my eyes.

The waiter comes with their drinks and takes our food orders before leaving again.

"Name five things you love." Tori says, taking a sip of iced tea through her straw.

"Why?" I ask.

"I want to get to know you." Tori answers.

"Fine. Coffee, scissors, sitting in the dark, horror movies, and breaking things." I answer.

"You like breaking things?" Tori asks, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Yep. Especially pretty things." I add with a smirk.

"What does that mean?" Tori asks.

She looked confused but also nervous to figure out the meaning. The meaning speaks for itself. If there was a bigger meaning against it I probably still wouldn't explain it. I like breaking things for fun.

"It means exactly that. I like breaking pretty things." I explain, slight annoyance to my voice that she wanted me to elaborate.

Before she can say anything else we get our food.

We both begin to eat and fall into random conversation but it wasn't bad actually. It became easy to talk to her. We got into her family a little, I learned that her dad is a cop and her mom works in business. I also learned that she's half Latina on her mom's side. We didn't get into my family which I'm thankful for because I don't like telling people about them.

"Well, I had a great time." Tori says, standing up.

"Thanks." I respond.

Tori goes around the table to give me a hug. I hate hugs but I was on a date so I allowed it. Her hug was nice. A little warmth came from her chest against mine. I could smell her very strong perfume coming from her neck but it bounced onto her shoulder. It had a very sweet smell and very un-natural. My face was in her soft brunette hair and I could feel it against my skin. Her hair was so soft and moist.

She pulled away and looked into my eyes. She started to lean in and her lips touched mine. She slowly kissed me but I could tell how much she wanted to kiss me regardless and I returned the kiss. She wrapped her arms around my neck while I wrapped mine around her waist and pulled her closer. Her lips tasted like iced tea with a mixture of watermelon lipgloss. It was a different taste when the two were combined but I liked something about it. They were very soft and warm as they moved with mine. Her lips began to move faster against mine and I kept up with her speed. She pulled back and smiled at me.

"I'll see you at school." Tori told me and got her bag before walking off.

"Bye." I said.

I got my stuff and walked out of Nozu. I found my car and began to drive home with the radio blasting through the car.

I knew my mom wouldn't be home again. She's never home. My mom likes to act like I'm not her child because I'm such an embarrassment or some shit like that. She's some type of classy women while I'm the gothic whore she never wanted. She ignores me mostly but when she does talk to me she's nothing more than a bitch. My dad just hates me period and doesn't support any of my dreams or choices. He lives with his girlfriend and her yappy little dog and I rarely even see him but when I do he acts like he hates my guts. My dad got custody of my eight year old little brother but I do see him because he'll come over on weekends to see my mom. My mom keeps him away from me because apparently I'm a bad influence but I couldn't care less because he's annoying as hell.

When I got home I went up to my dark room. All the lights were off and I still didn't turn them on. I stripped all of my clothing and through them in a small basket of dirty clothing by my door. I went to the bathroom and turned the shower water on. It rained down from the shower head on top. I made the water as hot as it could possibly be. I didn't care how hot the water would be. I just wanted to let it burn against my pale skin. I went inside and let it fall down my body. It felt like fire on my skin but I couldn't care less.

When I finish showering and drying myself I slip into pajama's. I let my hair air dry naturally. I laid back onto my bed and let the darkness surround me. I pulled the covers over my body. I closed my eyes to relax and felt a small sense of warmth coming from behind my eyelids while they are closed.

People may call me cold hearted, heartless, cold blooded, emotionless, or whatever else they think I am but I love feeling warmth around my body even if it's cold on the inside. People think I'm cold like ice. It's true. My heart is basically numb because ice surrounds it and blocks it from feeling any warmth. Ice I never want anyone to melt. I don't want my heart to be open to love and all the emotions that come with love. I want my heart to be closed in because it's easier and it's not painful. I heard the expression love hurts. I wouldn't know because I've never been in love but the thought of love hurts. The thought of love gives me a feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack.

I can feel my chest tighten around me and freeze. I start to take deep breaths to shake the feeling. A breath gets caught in my throat and makes my entire body stiffen. My heart has an odd pain as the ice freezes more around it. I feel like I'm actually about to have a heart attack but then a sharp intake of breath relieves me. I hold my hand over my heart and can barely feel it beating but I can feel it enough. I can feel my heart beat but I can't hear it talk to me. People use the expression follow your heart but my heart has never had a mind of it's own. It never will because I will not allow it.

If people knew my thoughts they would wonder why I've began dating Tori if I feel this way about love. Dating someone and falling in love with them are two completely different things. I was dating Beck for two years and I've never felt love with him. I knew I never loved him like that. Not only because I didn't let myself, which I definitely didn't, but also most of what was between us was pure lust and the comfort of having someone. Lust and love are two different things. You can also have both but I've never had love and I never will.

Just because I went on a date with Tori and might go on more dates with her doesn't mean I'm going to let myself fall in love with her. I don't want that kind of relationship and I refuse to let myself fall into that trap. I want a relationship that is fun and isn't based on love. I watch my back very carefully to make sure it doesn't sneak up on me. I just can't afford to fall in love...it's way to dangerous and I prefer to be numb.

My eyes shoot open and they fall to the side table next to my bed where I have my red pear phone on a charger. I pull it off the charger and grab a pair of black headphones. I put them in my ear and let the loud music take me over. I let the phone lay on my stomach and it would rise and fall in rhythm with my breathing. All my thoughts were cleared at that point and I let my eye lids fall closed again. My only senses turned on where hear and feel. I could hear it when It went through my ears. I could feel it when it pounded in my brain and down my spine. It felt good. Like I said I usually like silence when I'm alone but if I hear music coming from my headphones then I'm in bliss.

I opened my eyes and took the headphones out after a while of just enjoying the feeling. I put my phone back on the charger and sighed. I closed my eyes again and turned my body so I was lying on my side. I allowed myself to slowly drift off into full darkness as sleep took me over.

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**Did any of you catch the reference to Cat? If you did PM me. It is very hidden but it is mentioned a few times :) I hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviewing is optional but I love hearing them and I like criticism or compliments. **


	4. Cat's eyes

**Hey, I updated faster this time...I think. This is longer than the previous chapters and interesting things will happen so I hope you like it. Two people did guess the reference to Cat from last chapter so I ended up sending both of them previews. If you didn't catch the reference it was... '_Pretty things are the easiest to break'. _So enjoy chapter 4 :)**

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Tori POV:

I woke up the morning after my date with Jade. I got out of bed slowly and goose bumps appeared on my skin. I shivered and felt the urge to jump back into bed but I forced myself to walk over to the closet. I got dressed into my long sleeved light blue shirt that said 'Love Child' on it with a heart and a pair of black jeans. I walked to the bathroom and curled my brown hair and put on some very light makeup on. I brushed my teeth as well and grabbed my backpack before going downstairs. I went to the kitchen and ate a quick bagel with cream cheese before waiting for Trina on the couch since I take much less time to get ready than her.

I remember dating Danny, I broke up with because I felt as if he lost interest in me after a while and I didn't understand it. I thought I was interesting enough for him but he stopped paying attention to me and stopped caring about our relationship. Ryder was just using me to get a good grade on his full moon jam project. He planned to dump me when it was over, like I was just a ticket to him and that was all. Nothing more. Steven treated me well...or I thought he did until I found out he was cheating on me with Carly Shay from 'iCarly'. I even told him that I loved him.

The strange thing was that it wasn't the guys who upset me. It was the situations that upset me even more. The situations made me wonder sometimes...Am I good enough? Why do I always ended up getting hurt in the end? Is there something wrong with me?

Then, I began to like Jade West. I always feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm around her. A single stare is the most powerful thing when it comes from her. She's absolutely beautiful. The way her body curves and the way her features make her up. The way she can simply make the color black look like the most sexiest color on earth. She is definitely breath taking. She's very talented, smart, and strong. I know deep down, she can be nice when she wants to be. I knew there was a possibility that she could hurt me just like everyone else but I still really wanted to take the chance to try things with her. She's very unique and different so I guess deep down I hope that she won't be like everyone else.

Trina came running downstairs in high heels a black pencil skirt with a pink top that has black stars all over it. I couldn't help but roll my eyes a bit. She tries to hard to be the same. Trina always has to be up to date with the latest trends.

"Come on Tori, get your butt of the couch so we can go." Trina says walking past me and leaving the house before I have the chance to get up.

I get off the couch and follow in her tracks out the door. I got into the passenger seat of her car and saw her sitting in the drivers seat with both hands on the wheel. I sighed in relief as she started to drive us to school. She would often make me late for school whenever she put on her makeup or shaved her legs while driving which she did extremely often. I sometimes question why she hasn't been stopped by the police yet, although then I wouldn't have a ride at all which might be worst. Or walking might be more the better option...I honestly don't know.

Within three minutes we both got out of the car when we were in the Hollywood Arts parking lot and went our separate ways. I walked into Hollywood Arts and saw the familiar packed hallways I see everyday. I got to my locker and when I opened it a white note fell onto the ground. I bent down to pick it up and stood up straight before reading the note.

'_Party at my house. 7:00 pm tonight. Be there. 1125 Linda Flora Dr, Los Angeles, CA 90077 -Trent Walker.' _Was written in green sharpie on the note.

I don't have anything at all to do tonight so I decide that I'll go to the party. It sounds fun and I have talked to Trent Walker a few times before and since he goes to Hollywood Arts I'll probably know some of the people there.

I put the note in a small front pouch of my bag and got some things for my morning classes to put into my bag. Once I was finished I closed my locker. I saw Cat sitting on the ground near another group of lockers, staring at the same piece of paper I found earlier.

Cat was wearing a long sleeved white shirt with a big pink heart on it and a pear of blue jeans. Her red velvet hair was tied back into a pony tail. Her light pink lips were parted and I could see something in her eyes that sparkled as she stared at the note. It was unexplainably different from any emotion I had ever seen on her before. Something about it got my attention so I could notice it. I couldn't tell what the emotion was. It was as if it was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't find the right word.

I walked toward her slowly with a bright smile on my face. "Hey Cat." I greeted her.

Quickly her face tilted up and her eyes jumped to look at me. I tried to search her eyes for that emotion I had seen before in them but it was gone as fast as it took her to notice my presence. I didn't think much of it though. Not enough to ask her about it.

"So, are you going?" I ask her, looking at the note she's holding in her hands.

Her eyebrows furrow. "Going where?" She asks, confusion evident in her tone.

"Isn't that an invite to Trent Walker's party tonight?" I ask.

Cat nods in response and puts a bubbly smile on her face.

"Oh yeah! It is." Cat answers.

"So are you going to his party?" I ask again.

Cat looks down at the note in her hands and seems to think of her answer for a moment. Her bubbly smile seems to fade and that emotion returns to her eyes as fast as lightning. It makes them glisten in a different way than usual but I just can't figure out what that emotion is or if it even means anything. Her eyes look back up at me and the emotion disappears again as fast as it came. The corners of her lips tug upwards and back into her bubbly smile again.

"Sure!" She answers happily.

I smile in response to her answer. It's nice to know that one of my best friends will be there so I have someone to hangout with a little bit and talk to.

"Great, I'll see you there then." I tell her.

Cat swipes her tongue across her lips but halfway through she moves it down to her lower lip, curling it back into her mouth and biting her lower lip with a smile still on her face as she nods happily in response. I notice her small fingers fold the note slowly and It slips into one of her hands so she holds it gently.

"Did you do anything interesting last night?" I ask her, curiously.

"Oh! Well, you see my brother went onto the roof and he wouldn't come down because my mom wouldn't let him eat raw meat for dinner. So I had to to throw meat at him so he would come down but then he didn't come down and..." Cat starts to explain but I tune out.

I start to think about Jade. I wonder if today she's gonna act like we never went out last night or if she will. The date went well and we did kiss at the very end. The sensation of kissing Jade was amazing. Her lips were very plump and juicy and they moved perfectly against mine. I immediately could feel butterflies fly around my stomach and chest as it was pressed against her body while we were wrapped around each other. I definitely felt a spark that excited me.

"Jade and I kissed." Accidentally slips out of my mouth and interrupts her talking.

Cat falls silent and her lips press together. The shining emotion returns to her big brown eyes again. I still can't identify what it is. Something about the emotion is too powerful to put a name on it. It's almost as if it's bunch of hidden feelings that are finally appearing and bundling up into one big strong emotion. The look in her eyes disappears once again and the bubbly smile curves back onto her lips. I start to wonder why that emotion in her eyes keeps disappearing.

"You did?" Cat finally asks, wanting to confirm that she heard me right.

I could understand that somehow. Who would ever think of Jade and I to have that sort of affection. We both certainly have had our share of conflict toward each other. I assume she pretended to hate me maybe to hide her feelings for me or something along those lines.

I nod slowly in response to confirm what I said.

"Oh." Cat says and looks down for a moment. She looks back up at me after a second and smiles a little wider. "That's great!" She says, in an enthusiastic tone.

"Yeah, it was fantastic." I say with a wide smile, playing on my lips from just talking about my kiss with Jade.

"Hey chica and little red." Andre greets, walking toward us.

I wave and Cat giggles at his nickname for her.

"Hey, are you going to Trent's party?" I ask him.

Andre nods. "Yeah, Beck is too and even Robbie is going." He answers.

"I heard that." Robbie chimes in and walks over to us.

Cat starts to stand up. "I need to use the bathroom." She says once she is standing and walks off, going into the bathroom.

"Well the last time you were invited to a party..." Andre starts but I tune him out when I see Jade walk into Hollywood Arts from over his shoulder while clutching a cup of coffee from Jet Brew. She walks toward her scissor locker but I can't help it when my eyes linger on her current appearance.

Jade's wearing a dark red tunic tank top with ruffles at the bottom where her waist starts. It hugs her exquisite, sexy curves perfectly and the neckline is low enough to show a little bit of cleavage. She has a black bracelet that says 'Jaded' on it along with a necklace that has a charm on it shaped like a triangle and it's black. She's also wearing black leggings that show the beautiful shape of her slim legs and a pair of combat boots. Her raven colored hair is curled with purple streaks in it and cascades just below her shoulders. She has her usual dark makeup with red lipstick matches the tank top.

"Tori?" Andre asks, waving his fingers in my face when he realizes that I'm not paying attention to him.

"Yeah?" I ask, a little confused.

"I heard you went out with Jade last night." Andre tells me.

"How did you know?" I ask him, curiously.

"I was at my locker when she asked you out and I was sorta ease dropping. Plus your practically undressing her with your eyes right now." Andre tells me.

I look down to hide the blush forming on my cheeks along with a shy smile.

"I was just messing with you." Andre says, chuckling.

I look back up and notice how uncomfortable and confused Robbie looks right now and can't help but laugh a little bit.

The bell rings and Robbie and Andre both begin to walk off to their first class. I start to walk off as well when suddenly I feel a hand grab my wrist and grip it tightly. I feel tingly but also jump up in slight surprise. I turn around to see Jade with her alluring smirk on her face.

She leans up to my ear and I feel her warm breath tickling against my neck and below my ear which sends shivers and tingles down my spine. Her lips brush lightly against my ear and I actually moan softly which even surprises me because she hasn't even done much.

"I'll see you at the party tonight." She whispers in my ear in a low husky voice which I can't help but think it sounds a little seductive.

"I...how did...how did you know I was going to the party?" I ask, nervousness clear in my voice.

Jade leans away from my ear and I look at her, face to face. I feel weak as butterflies fly around in my stomach because she makes me nervous by how attractive and irresistible she is. Jade West is so tempting. I'm truly mesmerized by her.

"I know now." Jade tells me, her smirk growing wider.

Before I have the chance to respond she off in the same direction I had been walking before. I turn around and watch her hips sway along with her butt as she walks off. I feel myself grow even more weak and I can't help but stand here like an idiot and stare at her until she turns on a corner and I can no longer see her.

The rest of the day went by quickly until finally school was over and Trina drove us both back home. I hung out on the couch, watching T.V and going on my laptop to kill time. Finally I went upstairs to get ready before the party. Apparently even Trina was invited so she's giving me a ride.

I put on white jeans that were tie dye because they had a little blue splattered on them. Then I added a see-through crop top that had sequins on it with a black tank top under. I wore a few bracelets, a necklace with a brown charm on the chain, and black and white converse. I did my makeup light so it would almost look natural and I curled my hair.

When I was ready to leave I ran downstairs and shockingly Trina was already waiting for me. I know I took longer to get ready than I usually would but since Jade is going to the party, I really wanted to wear something that she would notice.

"Finally your ready! Let's go." Trina said, walking toward the door.

I followed her out of the house. The door nearly slammed in my face but I pushed it just in time and walked to the car. I got into the passenger seat and Trina started the car.

"Now, I know I say this a lot but don't embarrass yourself at these types of parties. They might never invite you again and then I'll be known as the girl with the embarrassing sister." Trina tells me as she looks straight ahead at the road.

"Yeah, I'm the embarrassing one." I mumble sarcastically and roll my eyes.

"Well, if you embarrass yourself then you embarrass me and I won't be invited again." Trina tells me.

I just sigh in response and stay quiet the rest of the ride. When we get to Trent's house, we both get out of the car and walk into his house which is very big.

The house is already packed with bunches of people from school. Trina walks away from me and leaves me lost within the swarm of people. I started walking through everyone, looking around within everyone to try and find someone I recognized. I eventually wind up on the other side of the room by the food table.

My eyes land on the punch bowl. I look at it before shrugging. I grab a red plastic up and serve myself some punch. Just as I'm about to bring the cup to my lips, I feel a hand touch my back.

I turn around and see Jade staring back at me. I licked my lips at the sight of her. She's wearing a simple black dress with straps but it still hugged her figure perfectly. Again it showed a little bit of cleavage and she wore a black chocker with fishnet tights. Her hair was still down with purple streaks and she had the same makeup on as earlier. I couldn't help but stare at her juicy red lips for a little bit.

"Take a picture it will last longer." Jade says, causing me to blush and my eyes to jump down.

"O-oh I'm so-" I start to say.

"Whatever I don't care. Like what you see?" Jade interrupts, smirking.

I look over her appearance again and feel myself grow even more weak and nervous. Not only is she sexy but gorgeous as well. I lick my lips again and nod with a smile while setting my plastic cup of punch on the table.

"You don't look so bad yourself...nice outfit you look pretty." She tells me and her eyes seem to roam over my appearance.

I can't help but smile even wider since Jade actually complimented my appearance. I never thought I would actually hear those words come out of her mouth until pigs fly but finally I heard them.

She cups my cheeks and her crystal blue eyes look into my brown one's. I melt, looking into Jade's beautiful eyes and smile more. I feel nervous jitters in my body as I look at her. My eyes look at her juicy red lips again and before I realize what I'm doing, I lean in and capture her lips with mine.

I close my eyes and melt against her lips. Her soft juicy lips taste like coffee.

She seems a tiny bit surprised but then slowly returns the kiss. All my thoughts go on mute because all that's on my mind is the feeling of her lips against mine, her scent which is a mixture of coffee with vanilla, and the feeling of my heart beating out of my chest through my ribs. I wrap my arms around her curvy waist and pull her body closer to mine until they are pressed together. I feel her pull me from my cheeks, closer to her plump lips. Her taste moves from my lips, against my tongue and down my throat as it invades me. I parted my lips so she could slip her tongue into my mouth. I moved my tongue against hers and began massaging mine against hers. I moaned softly against her lips which caused her to smirk. Something about kissing Jade made me feel excited because I began to move my lips faster against hers. Jade began to back us both up until I was pushed up against a wall. My thoughts were on mute because I was so lost against her tender lips. I let out another moan against her lips. Her hands began to move up my cheek bones until they've threaded in my hair. I felt myself needed air and my lungs tightening through my chest but I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

She eventually pulls away from my lips and her forehead settles against mine. Her hands ball into fists, taking handfuls of my hair into her palms and between her fingers. I keep my eyes closed as the sensation of her lips still lingers. I slowly feel her un-curl her fists and release my hair. Her breath moves away from my face as I feel the warmth from her body against mine disappear and I immediately miss the feeling. Her waist left my grip until I was no longer touching her and she was no longer touching me.

I peeled my eyes open and saw Jade looking at me. She had a small maybe hint of a smile? I don't know. I was told that she never really smiles but I sensed a small one that she hid behind her sultry smirk.

"I'll be right back." She tells me and kisses my cheek before turning on her heel.

I touch my cheek lightly as it feels hot from when Jade's lips pressed against it. I watch her again as she walks away from me until I loose sight of her within the crowd. I sigh and lean against the wall, my knees still weak from that amazing feeling of making out with Jade West. She's just so captivating it's abnormal. She's like a rare species because she's so unique and different but it's amazing.

"Tori?" I hear a familiar voice, snap me out of my thoughts.

I suddenly register that Cat is walking toward me. She's wearing a long sleeved cream colored floral shirt with a pair of dark blue jean shorts. Her hair is half up, half down with a pastel pink bow in the back. She has light makeup on her on her face that matched her outfit perfectly. Again I saw that same glowing emotion in her eyes. The emotion that keeps vanishing within seconds. It's almost as if she hides in un-purpose.

"Hey Cat." I greet in return.

Cat plays with her fingers and stares down at them. I can still see the powerful emotion has yet to dissolve from her big brown eyes. She takes a deep breath as if she's about to say something that makes her nervous.

"Tori, don't...do anything with...Jade tonight." Cat suggests.

I can't help but look at her in surprise. Why is she telling me not to do anything with Jade tonight? Jade and I just started dating so I don't think I'm gonna go much farther than I already have with her tonight anyway but I wonder what Cat is talking about and why she's telling me not to do anything with Jade. What does Cat even mean by anything?

"What do you mean don't do anything?" I ask her, confused.

"Things that feel good. You know, nice things...very nice things..." Cat says with a slight dreamy look on her face and a smile as she stares up into space and licks her lips. It seems as if she's deep in thought.

I start to wonder...does Cat mean...sexual things? Based on the dreamy look on her face it seems as if she knows how those 'very nice things' feel. As if she's experienced them before. That shocks me even more. Cat just looks so innocent and very childish...I would have never guessed that she's done those sort of things.

"Cat...what do you mean by things that feel good?" I ask her, curiously.

"I...I...can't tell you...Jade would kill me..." Cat says nervously, the powerful emotion never leaving her eyes this time.

"Cat, you know you can tell me anything. We're best friends." I remind her.

"I can't...I should go...just forget I ever mentioned it." Cat says and runs away from me.

I take a step and in attempt to follow her but I lose her within all the crowd of people. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and curiosity. She said that Jade would kill her if she told me what to do with Jade tonight...do Cat and Jade have some sort of a history? I decide that I should just ask Jade if she knows anything about it rather than jumping to that kind of a conclusion.

I noticed my cup of forgotten punch on the table. I take the cup and take a sip of it. I immediately taste rum mixed with the fruity taste and realize the punch was spiked. I let out a sigh and decide that I'll only drink this cup and nothing more.

I see Jade walking back toward me. Here's my chance. I take a deep nervous breath. I guess I'm a little scared that I might scare her away with asking her about it or she'll get mad at me for sorta getting involved in something that's probably supposed to be between her and Cat. I don't think I can just let this go. I've had this information in my brain for a few minutes and it's already driving me crazy. I'm so curious...I just need to know what Cat was talking about.

"Hey, I'm back. Can I have a sip?" Jade asks, looking at my plastic red cup.

"Yeah sure." I say and hand her the cup of spiked punch.

Jade lifts the cup to her lips and long sip of it. I watch her as she swallows in one gulp. She licks her red lips and rubs them together before separating them with a soft popping sound before pressing them together again. She continues to hold the cup in her hand.

"Jade...I need to ask you something..." I tell her.

Jade lifts her pierced eyebrow up and looks at me for a second before letting it fall back down as she nods once.

"Okay so...while you were gone, I was talking to Cat and she told me not to do anything with you and when I asked her what she meant she told me things that were very nice and felt good. Then when I asked her again what she meant she told me that if she told me that you would kill her..." I explain and take a deep breath. "What does she mean? Do you guys have a history or something?" I ask her.

Jade looks down at the cup of punch as her expression becomes deep in thought and her eyes narrow. Her face seems to struck as if she comes to realization for a moment but then she arches her eyebrows slightly and looks back up at me.

"History?" She asks, wanting me to elaborate.

"Yeah, she said nice things that feel good and then if she told me what she meant that you would kill her so...Have you guys ever done anything nice that felt good?" I ask her curiously.

Jade tilts her head slightly, her arched eyebrows and narrowed eyes not yet leaving her expression. Her eyes look slightly over my head as she goes deep into thought. I start to get very nervous. I wonder what she's currently thinking about and what her answer is gonna be or if she's gonna get mad and not want to date me anymore. She finally parts her lips and lets out a long sigh. Her eyes fall back down to meet mine and her facial expression changes so I realize she's no longer lost in thought.

"Not really a history." Jade answers.

"Well what do you mean? There must have been something for her to say something like that." I tell her, thinking realistically.

Jade takes a deep breath and sighs. "Tori, Cat is a very confusing person. She's not normal. Her head is the most confusing. She mixes things up in her brain and makes them more than what they are." Jade explains to me.

I guess she does have a point. Cat is a very confusing question. I always picture her mind like an endless puzzle that no one will ever be able to solve. She does seem like she would mix things up a lot and confuse them. But Jade just basically admitted that she did confuse something for more than it meant...so what was that.

"Jade, what did Cat make more than it was?" I ask, curiously.

"Your thinking about this too much. The past is the past and it doesn't matter anymore." Jade tells me, rolling her eyes.

"Just tell me! Did something happen between you and Cat? I won't be mad and I won't judge you or anything like that. Just please, tell me. You can trust me." I tell her, looking into her clear light blue eyes.

Jade put her free hand on my shoulder and ran it down my arm. "Stop worrying too much." She tells me.

I can't help but feel weak, as if I'm hypnotized by her touch. I feel like I'm under her spell and suddenly that's all I'm focused on. Her spell purely makes me want to take in as much of her as I can.

"I...um...I..." I try to say.

Before I know it, she dives forward and presses her lips to mine again. All thoughts about Cat and what she meant or what she said are forgotten temporarily as Jade completely invades all my thoughts. My heart beats rapidly for Jade as she takes my breath away. She has me hooked and wrapped around her finger but I'm not even sure if she realizes it.

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**I hope you liked this chapter and all reviews make me happy :) Please let me know who's POV you would like to see next chapter by either PMing me or leaving a suggestion in a review.**


	5. Jade's Flavor

**Hey, so here's chapter 5. This chapter contains a detailed flashback of what happened in the prologue. It's much more detailed and longer so warning that this chapter has extreme M-rated content. There is no conversations because this chapter centers around Cat and mentions of Jade...however the next chapter something is going to happen that I'm sure most of you will want to see. If you leave a review then I'll send you a preview of the next chapter. Anyway, hope you like this chapter :)**

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Cat's POV:

Watching Tori pushed against the wall as she and Jade suck face and practically swallow each other was extremely painful. I was already broken, yet I felt myself crack into even smaller pieces than before. That's why I know I'm broken beyond repair. It's harder to fix a big thing that has become a bunch of tiny pieces. It killed me inside to see them together in that way. I wanted Jade to belong to me and not Tori. I wanted to be the one she kissed with her amazing tender lips and the one she touched with her gentle slim fingers. It just hurt so much and I could feel myself being pulled deeper into the water and I couldn't fight the force. It made me go spiraling down and I was drowning farther.

I could feel tears cloud my eyes but I forced them to cover my eyes only. I couldn't let them fall because then people would know something was wrong and I didn't want to risk that. I had to put on my usual cheerful expression with a wide smile. I had to act happy like I wasn't sad at all but it is fake. I acted fake all the time and that hurt sometimes. I was lying to everyone all the time and it felt horrible but sometimes I got so deep into playing the part that I don't even realize it. Acting like a ditzy, happy, cheerful, bubbly, airhead has become a habit and an instinct for me. No one will ever understand me.

The party we are at right now is Trent Walker's party. The same party that I lost my virginity at my very first year of Hollywood Arts to Jade. I didn't want to come because I knew I would regret it. I knew it would bring back memories of my night with Jade. It was the best night of my life. Nothing can compare to how I felt that night but because she rejected me and broke me to pieces I can't help but feel pain and hurt. I don't know why I ended up agreeing to come but I did.

When I saw Jade and Tori in the middle of their make out session I began to wonder if Jade would end up hurting Tori tonight like she did to me. Part of me thought since they went on a date that maybe Jade is not using her but another part of me said that Jade was going to hurt Tori like she hurt me. I knew Tori liked Jade a lot but I wondered if Jade liked Tori? I didn't want Tori to wind up like me. Even though I was jealous of her for being able to receive Jade's powerful touch and Jade's amazing kisses, I still didn't want Tori to become broken like me. I didn't want her to want something she can't have or see the world as a place full of bad people who want to hurt her. She deserves to be happy. I decided to warn her but when I did I revealed way too much.

I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Tears slowly rolled down my eyes and made my cheeks damp. My eyes began to sting and my nose clogged but I couldn't stop crying. I was so good at holding the tears in my eyes that when I finally allowed them to fall, it wasn't easy to stop them from falling. So much hurt, pain, and sorrow. It was hard to control. I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. Jade hurts me so much but I still love her more than anything.

Now I'm currently digging into my cream colored purse for my razor blade. I need to feel relief. I need the emotional pain to go away and this is the only way. I can't deal with this pain. It aches me too much. Seeing Jade sucking Tori's face and not my face definitely killed me inside. I hated watching it so much. Not only am I not good enough for Jade and don't deserve her love but now I'm stupid because I revealed too much. I blurted enough information for Tori to question my ditzy, innocent, happy, airhead act. It's bad enough to know that I'm fake but if Tori fills in the rest and figures out the truth then the pain will be unbearable. Now I have the urge to feel the physical pain to make me feel better. I needed it like I needed air to breathe.

I finally found my razor blade in the purse and took it out. I rolled up my sleeves and put it against one of my arms. The metal was sharp and cold against my skin but I didn't mind because I desperate for it. I could see scars on my arms from cuts that faded because they were long ago and I could also see scars that were still recent. I slowly dragged across until I created a fresh cut. I bit down on my lower lip due to the pain but it felt good. I drawled another cut horizontally across my arm again. I moved to my other arm and made two more new cuts. I wiped the blood off the razor and put it back into my purse. I turned on the sink and washed some of the blood off my arm with warm water so it wouldn't stain through my shirt. Seeing my own blood gives me relief but I had to make sure no one else could see it. Just me.

I rolled my sleeves back down and leaned against the door as I cried. Tori is much better than me. Tori is healthy. She doesn't cut herself or do anything unhealthy like me. She's prettier than me. Her skin is flawless while I have arms full of ugly scars that I draw onto my skin with a sharp razor blade. She's real. She doesn't act a certain way to fool everyone and she doesn't hide her emotions like me. I'm fake. I pretend to be happy when I rarely am anymore. I pretend I'm okay when really I'm broken. I'm a liar and it hurts to know that I am one but I know there's a reason why I lie.

I close my eyes. Suddenly I could feel Jade pulsing through my entire body. I remember her hands touching me everywhere and her lips marking my entire body. She's everywhere. I crave her everywhere. I smelled her coffee and vanilla sent out of nowhere. I could taste her bittersweet taste on my lips and my tongue. I felt her all over my body and she began to invade all my thoughts. I imagined that it was happening again.

_Flashback:_

_Jade cupped my cheeks and pressed her lips to mine. I gasped against her lips but then I felt tingles and spark I'd never felt before which caused me to melt against her lips and close my eyes. I began to return the kiss passionately and wrap my arms around her nicely figured waist. Her tender juicy lips tasted like mint and coffee. The kiss was so heated it made my heart beat rapidly. Our tongue began to battle each other and the kiss grew deeper. I was in ecstasy and I loved every minute. There were so many unspoken emotions within this kiss that I knew this wasn't just a lustful kiss...it was more than that. Jade's lips were so addicting that I just wanted to feel them against mine forever. I moaned softly against her lips. I felt my lungs begin to tighten as I needed air but I couldn't pull away. I got lost against her lips. I didn't want to stop at all. I couldn't stop kissing her hungrily. Her lips reminded me of a lollipop I couldn't stop sucking until I got rid of the flavor but Jade's flavor lasted forever. _

_She pushed me onto the bed so she was on top of me but she hadn't broken the kiss yet. Her warm chest was pressed against mine and I felt her nice big breasts resting on mine. It felt so cozy and warm. I could feel Jade's heart beating in rhythm with mine. Feeling her heart was astonishing. It was beating so swiftly as she continued to kiss me fervently. I could tell Jade was struggling for air too but all she wanted to do was continue kissing me. It seemed as if we were both getting lost within each other._

_Jade's hands began to move from my cheeks and past my jaw. Her hands fell on my chest. The tips of her fingers were gently brushing my collarbone. Some of her weight lightened as she began to hover over me and create a small space between our bodies. I began to miss the warmth of Jade's body against mine but then I felt her hands slide down to my breasts that were still covered by my shirt and bra. Her hands rested there for a while and cupped both of my breasts. I moaned against her lips and continued to kiss her eagerly. Her palms moved down to my stomach until they reached the hem of my shirt. _

_Jade pulled away slightly for a moment but I could still feel her soft warm breath against my lips. She speedily pulled my shirt over my head and then closed the space between our lips quickly as if she absolutely despised the idea of being away from my lips for even a moment longer. _

_Jade's lips began to attack mine again intensely. She reached behind me and I leaned up a bit so she could reach my bra hook. She fiddled with the clip a little until she finally unhooked my bra. She pulled it off my shoulders and exposed my breasts to the air. Her hands moved down to the waistband of my pants. Jade curled her hands to grip it and she slid it down my legs until they were off me. Finally one of her hands slid inside my panties causing me to moan again. She pushed my panties down my legs until they were also off me. My whole body was finally naked. I was in such pure enjoyment that I allowed her to take full control as she pleasured me._

_She ran her hands gently down my arms. Jade began to massage my breasts with the palms of her hands in a circular motion. She rubbed my nipples gently with her thumbs and pinched them lightly with her thumb and pointer finger. I moaned against her lips. Jade moved her hands down my stomach gently and her finger tips stroked my skin delicately. She smoothed down my legs and thighs. She moved to rub my inner thighs. _

_She moved away from my lips which caused my to whimper because I wanted her lips on mine again. The warmth of her lips against mine left and my lips were currently swollen from our passionate kiss. Jade's lips moved to my jaw and began to suck down my neck. I moaned and giggled a little as her lips tickled my neck. She bit down lightly on my pulse point. She continued to suck down my chest. Jade kissed the spot where my heart is located and caused it to beat at a faster pace which I didn't even think was possible. She continued kissing down my chest. _

_When she reached my breasts she began to suck the skin around my nipples. Her wet tongue moved around the skin causing me to moan lustfully. Jade took one of my nipples in her mouth and begins flicking it back and forth with her tongue. She circled her tongue around it and sucked on it. She moved to my other nipple and did the same. She placed soft kisses down my stomach which caused my to giggle while I felt her hands brush against my clit and rub it causing my moans to grow louder. Her lips moved down to my clit and began to suck it gently. I moaned loudly in response. Her tongue licked around my folds and tasted them. I felt her tongue lick my entrance and I moaned more. _

_She pulled her lips away and I could feel her breath against my folds which were very wet and ready. She slowly slipped a finer inside me. I moaned loudly as she pumped it slowly. I couldn't help but begin to scream her name in pleasure as she continued pumping her finger inside me._

_Jade added more finger and continued pumping them inside me. She began pumping faster and her fingers pushed deeper inside me. I moaned loudly in pleasure. She curled her fingers inside me and began to hit my g-spot. I screamed her name and moaned lustfully. My heartbeat raced even quicker as I panted between moans. _

_Finally my cum exploded onto her fingers. She pulled them out of me and licked my liquid off her fingers. She made sure to get every single drop off her fingers. She licked her lips and made a soft sound showing that she loved the taste. She moved back down to my entrance and sucked all the cum clean until there was none left. _

I felt myself moaning softly as my panties grew wet from the memory. It felt so real as I imagined it. It felt like more than just lust to me even though that's all Jade thought of it as. Just lust. I know that if it was just lust that she wouldn't have been so gentle. She pulsed through me longer as my eyes remained closed. I smiled a little bit with a dreamy expression on my face as the memory flooded back to me. Then I remembered what she said after:

"_This can never happen again. Forget about it. It meant nothing." She told me._

I felt a tear fall from my eye and roll down my cheek. I quickly opened my eyes as dark thoughts flood my mind again. I shook my head slowly as more tears fell from my eyes. I knew I would never have her again the way I did that night. We were so close that night. We breathed the same air. I could inhale her soft sultry breath. Her body was so close that her body heat could transfer to my body. I felt loved that night...It meant something to me. I want her to feel the same. I want it so bad. More than anything but it's the one thing I can't have.

I looked in the mirror and found mascara smeared down my cheeks. My eyes were bloodshot red and puffy. I took a tissue my eyes and the mascara staining my cheeks. When I was finished I looked at the makeup it actually looked presentable enough for no one to notice that it had been messed up.

I unlocked the bathroom door and slowly opened it. I grabbed my purse and held it in my hand. I closed the door behind me. My eyes scanned the swarm of people all having a good time and hanging out. I knew no one would notice me which didn't matter at all. I made my way through the crowd as quickly as I could until I was finally at the door. I opened the door and ran out without looking back at all. The breeze within the humid California air caught my skin quickly as I walked to my car that was parked on the street. I fished through my purse for my keys and pressed the unlock button. The car lights flashed bright red as I got into the driver seat and started the car. I began to drive home.

More tears rained down my eyes as I drove. My eyes stung and tears clouded my vision but somehow I still managed to drive fine. I took a deep breath. It felt refreshing to feel more air come through my mouth and return to my lungs as my nose became stuffy from tears.

Eventually I got home. I parked my car in my driveway and slowly got out. I wiped my watery eyes as I walked to the door and opened it. I saw a brown cardboard box on the ground. I kneeled down and ripped the transparent tape off so I could see what was in it. I looked inside it and saw a clown costume. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. My brother probably ordered this. He really was weird. I didn't lie about any of the stories I told about him. No one knew what was wrong with him though.

I walked upstairs to my room and changed out of my clothing. I took the bow out of my hair and put it away. I put my purse on the side table next to my bed. I went to the bathroom so I could wash my face and brush my teeth. Finally, I got into a pair of comfortable pajamas and turned off the light before climbing into bed. I got under the covers and snuggled into the pillows and stuffed animals on my bed. I tried to empty my mind of all my thoughts but I couldn't. They wouldn't stop going through my head...

My thoughts were: _'I'm not good enough for Jade...Tori is so much better than me...Jade hates me...Jade will never love me...I need to cut myself...I need to feel pain...I deserve pain...I'm a dirty slut...I'm stupid...I let Jade use me...I gave away my virginity during a one night stand...I'm pathetic because I never got over Jade...I wish I could forget about her but I can't...I have no chance at being happy again...I hate my real self...I wish I didn't have to act...I wish I really was bubbly and happy all the time...I wish Jade would love me how I love her...' _

I shot up from the bed and dug into my cream colored purse again. More tears rolled down my eyes. I felt like I could down in my own tears because so many came out. I retrieved my razor blade and ran to the bathroom. I needed to get rid of my thoughts. I needed to feel pain. I needed release. I needed this to stop for a little bit and cutting myself was the only way. It was how I dealt with everything. All my problems. This was the only way. I leaned my arms over the sink. I looked at all my scars. I didn't hesitate before quickly creating another scar on each arm. A new red line on my arm. New marks but it felt good. I washed the razor blade and then washed my arms again. I put the razor blade back into my purse and sat on my bed.

My thoughts went away as I focused on the physical pain of the cuts. It made everything easier. I knew it was only a temporary release. My thoughts of pain and hurt always came back. I could never get away from it forever. I had become used to it but it still stung badly inside. It felt like a million knives stabbing through my heart, trying to break it into small pieces. My heart was broken.

I lay down and closed my eyes again, hoping to fall asleep. My mind was never fully cleared. I could never fully escape the thoughts. They took me over. The pounded in my brain and invaded me. I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't block them out; I couldn't run...I had no way out. It was so painful but I had to live through it no matter how hard it was. Eventually I felt myself drifting off. I sighed content that I would fall asleep tonight. I wanted the day to end. I needed a break. Finally my eyes faded to darkness as I drifted into a dreamless sleep for the night.

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**I hope you guys liked this chapter. I hope I did a good smut scene in Cat's flashback because a few people asked for Cat's POV of what happened that night so I figured I would write it and make it more detailed this time. If anyone has suggestions or criticism let me know. I love compliments too. If you review this chapter then you get a preview of next chapter because something is going to happen. This was a basically a filler chapter but I hope it didn't disappoint :)**


	6. Cat's a puzzel

**Hey, I'm back with chapter six. This chapter doesn't involve Tori at all...it just mentions her but the next chapter will probably be in her POV. This chapter involves Cat and Jade and it's very interesting. I hope you like it and review. **

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Jade POV:

I'm driving to school the morning after a party in heavy rain. People often got excited when its sunny and beautiful outside but not me. I love thunderstorms, rain, and lightning. The way rain pours down from the sky heavily and waters down anything is awesome. The sounds thunder and lightning make are loud sudden noises. The booming sounds always catch people off guard, which makes things less predictable, and I do not like predictable. It's not very often that it even rains in California, which sometimes annoys the hell out of me. I wish people would get excited for rain, lightning, or thunderstorms because they are rare here and interesting.

Cat Valentine... I don't think about her much. Cat told Tori not to do any nice things with me that feel good. She basically fucking hinted that we had done something. When Tori asked if we had a history, I finally remembered something I hadn't thought about in so long...that night. Memories made their way back into the front my brain from where they had been buried. Her tanned warm skin, her kissable lips, her nice soft breasts, her attractive curved petite figure, and the way her moans and giggles just made me lose control when I pleasured her.

That night was our first year of Hollywood Arts. It was completely meaningless. We were both stupid so I fucked her and she let me. I told her to forget about it. Of course she didn't and had to say something. Cat made this mean way more than it did just by bringing it up. It meant nothing so she shouldn't have even thought about it. She needs to get over that night and stop thinking about it. It was like three fucking years ago. I didn't think it would ever be brought up again and I didn't want it to be brought up. It's even stupid thinking about it now.

Cat is attractive. I definitely had a lot of lust for her, more than I would have expected to have for her. Fucking her was easy. When I started I got so lost in pleasuring her that I didn't even think about it as I was doing it. It just came to me with her because I wanted to touch her and kiss her badly. I wanted to fuck her like she was a drug that I had been addicted too. I lost control of myself while I did it because I had so much lust but It was only lust though and nothing more.

Cat just doesn't know how to keep her big mouth shut and she certainly doesn't know how to forget about things no matter how stupid they are. She's very confusing. Something she failed to do was grow up. You'd think that night would have corrupted her but it didn't. She's still a child in a teenage body.

I really want to shove my scissors down her throat...that will keep her quiet. The fucking guts she had to hint out that we have a history. History? No it's not even a history. It's not anything. Nothing at all. Cat obviously didn't understand that it meant nothing. I don't understand Cat. She is like a thousand puzzle pieces no one can ever put together. Cat is just confused and she's gonna make Tori confused too.

Tori definitely does her share of meddling and worrying about things that aren't even her business. That is something I really don't like about Tori. It's annoying. Just because we've started dating does not mean that she can ask me what happened and expect me to tell her. She told me I can trust her. Yeah right, I don't trust anyone and Tori is no exception. I need to watch Tori to make sure she doesn't get her little pretty her head wrapped around this. As for Cat...I need to talk to her so she can shut the fuck up about the past.

I finally park my car in the Hollywood Arts parking lot. I turn around in my seat and lean forward to grab an umbrella from the backseat. I step outside into the pouring rain and quickly open my umbrella. I hold it above my head until I get to the entrance and then close it. I walk into school and see a bunch of people in the halls like usual. I go to my scissor locker and open it. I grab some books I need and put them into my backpack before shoving my umbrella into the locker and slamming it shut.

My eyes scan the halls and I notice Tori hadn't shown up yet. My eyes catch Cat as she walks through into Hollywood Arts. She has her usual cheerful smile playing on her lips. She's wearing a white dress with pink and red flowers with green leaves. It had a sweetheart neckline but she wore a white long sleeved cardigan on top that was un-buttoned with a pair of pink heels. She wore her red cake colored hair half up, half down. Her makeup was light and soft colors that looked nice against her skin tone. She looked sweet, adorable, childish, innocent, and happy...like always.

I sighed and rolled my eyes before walking toward her. She didn't seem to realize what was happening before I grabbed her small wrist and dragged her into the janitors closet before she had the chance to even turn to look at me. Thankfully no one noticed and Tori wasn't here yet or else she would've. We got into the janitors closet and I flicked the light on. Cat looked at me. Her face showing confusion...what else is new? She played with her fingers a bit as she continued to look at me. She licked her soft pink lips and shuffled on her feet. There was something else behind her expression that I couldn't figure out. I crossed my arms and looked at her with my usual scowl.

"Hi Jade." She greeted, breaking the silence in her usual high pitched upbeat tone.

"Cat." I state sternly in response.

"What?" Cat asks, obviously lost and confused over why she's in here but at the same time she also looks nervous to find out.

"I heard you told Tori not to do anything with me and that if you told her what you meant that I would kill you. Now she thinks we have a history." I told her, not wanting to waste any time.

Cat looks scared suddenly and very nervous. She bit her lower lip and played with her fingers. Her eyes shifted down not wanting to look at mine. Her silence and fear is currently wasting my time but I need to get my point across. I tilted my head and watched her. She looked like she was thinking and trying to process what I just said. Nothing that I had just said could possibly need so much thought. Eventually I got impatient with the silence and the tension within the air.

"Cat!" I shouted to get her attention back on me.

Her eyes snapped up to look at me. I could see a look in her eyes that was completely undefined. I rolled my eyes and ignored it. Cat's a puzzel.

"I...I...I...um...well..." She tried to find words to say. She was nervous over what I was gonna do about her mentioning it I could tell but that didn't matter to me at all.

"Cat you do not own me. I can do whatever the hell I want. You cannot tell Tori not to do anything with me because I was never yours. Tori and I have absolutely nothing to do with you." I begin to explain, emotionless.

Cat does not own me, Tori does not own me, no one owns me! Only I own me. I don't belong to anyone. I would need to be in love and attached for me to belong to someone. That has never happened and it never will. Like I said, I don't want it to happen so I will do absolutely anything to make sure it doesn't. Being numb is easier for me. I like being numb.

"We have no history at all. I fucked you one night three years ago. It meant nothing and I told you that. It will never happen again. I told you to forget about it but obviously you didn't listen to me. What I said to you went through one ear and out the other as if I never said it. This time I want what I say to get stuck in your head. You need to get the fuck over it and leave me alone!" I told her, in a cold annoyed tone.

Her eyes became watery but the tears weren't falling. She was holding it in but I could see it. She looked hurt by my words. As if her entire world fell down the second I finished talking. She looked pained, sad, and miserable even which were things I never associated with Cat's expression. I could tell she didn't want to hear this. A part of me was telling me to stop. I didn't know why because I knew I absolutely did not feel any guilt at all. Another part that was telling me to continue completely overpowered it and I forgot there was even a part of me at all that didn't want to continue talking. Cat has absolutely no reason to feel hurt because I'm telling her that what we did meant nothing. It was three years ago and she needs to get over it.

"It was three years ago and I do not want to have to think about this now. I don't need to it's just a waste of my time and it's a waste of yours too. The past is the past and it's over. In fact it never even started so never mention this again. Forget about it because it's stupid and we were both stupid. It was only lust and nothing more. Do you understand?" I asked in a serious cold voice.

Cat's lower lip is shaking as she seems to be lost in thought. I sigh and wait for her again. She looks around the room, trying to avoid my eyes. She bites down hard on her lower lip as she continues to think. She takes a deep breath and lets out a shaky one. Finally, she hesitantly nods slowly.

I didn't bother waiting for her to speak. It would take to much time and I just wanted to get this over with. I thought I had moved on from this long ago but Cat is just pulling me back and I want her to stop because I don't want to think about this at all. It was three years ago and I had forgotten about it until now. It's not important at all.

"Good." I say and nod once.

I notice how hard this looks for her to hear but she has to hear it. I decided that I don't feel sorry at all for saying anything of this. I don't give a fuck how harsh it sounds but it's the cold hard truth and she needs to understand it. It didn't mean anything three years ago and it doesn't now. She isn't allowed to be sad over something that is meaningless. Cat is making this mean more than it does. She's so confusing...sometimes I wish I understood what goes on in her small brain.

Once I realized we were both still in here, I yanked the door handle and shoved the door open. I walked out and heard it slam loudly behind me. I walked to my first class, not bothering to stop at my locker and I didn't even look back...not at all.

I hope my words finally stuck in her head. I don't ever want to do this again. I feel my throat tightening as I walk for no reason. I'm not even running or doing any activity. Regardless I take a deep breath of air through my mouth to loosen my throat. It makes me feel a lot better. I confronted Cat and I had her full attention. She could get over this and so could I. It was over and done. It was off my chest and I didn't have to think about it. For some reason I feel very uneasy. I shake the feeling and ignore it from my thoughts.

Cat POV:

What Jade just said hurt so much. I felt my whole world crashing down. It was so painful...It hurt so much. It broke me into even more pieces and killed me inside. I was falling deeper into the water and I couldn't get back up. Trying to float was useless at this point. I tried kicking my feet and flapping my arms but nothing worked. I was gonna drown. This would all suffocate me and there was nothing I could do about it.

I wish I had never said anything to Tori at all. I wish I could forget about everything but I can't. I will always love Jade and I know that will never change. I hate myself so much for being so stupid. If I had just listened to Jade the first time she said it meant nothing this wouldn't be haunting me like it has been. I can't escape it no matter what. I learned that you can never run away from your past. I know Jade thought it meant nothing but she's running away successfully. As hard as I try to do the same I just can't win...

Tears that had rolled down my cheeks stained them. I became dizzy and weak on my feet. I struggled to keep my balance until finally I fell onto my knees. Something slipped from my hand and fell onto the ground but I couldn't even remember what it was. My mind was completely blurry. Everything around me was blurry. I felt like I was slipping away but I couldn't even register that. I heard the door open and somebody come in. I heard them say something but it wasn't clear. The words were fuzzy. Something slipped out of my mouth but as soon as I said it I didn't even remember. I felt myself beginning to lose all consciousness. I heard someone speaking again but it was still fuzzy. Finally my eyes slowly shut as I faded into darkness.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was pretty intense... What do you think happened to Cat? If you haven't figured it out right away then think back to previous chapters. Also, who do you think came in the room and was talking? And what do you think Cat could have said? You'll find out for sure what happened to her in the next chapter. Reviews make me smile :) **


	7. Tori's the Fish

**Sorry it took me so long to update. I try to update fast but sometimes I get a little writers block. **** There was a cliffhanger last chapter so your going to find out what happens now. ****I really hope you like this chapter and review.**

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Tori POV:

After Trent's party I couldn't stop thinking about Cat said and what she could have meant. I know she told me to forget she ever mentioned it but I just couldn't. It began to take over all my thoughts. I kept thinking about the possibilities but I felt as if there were so many missing pieces from the puzzle I started. It seems like Cat and Jade have a history they aren't telling me about and it involves them having had done something that Cat describes as feeling good but that's all I have pieced together.

I knew I wouldn't get any answers from Jade. She's very smart and she knows exactly how to get out of telling me things. I would have questioned her further last night but then she started kissing me again and it felt so good that I completely forgot about anything else. Whenever I kiss Jade, I can only think about Jade. I love the way she makes me feel. She has me absolutely hooked and I can't deny it.

However, Cat talks a lot. She often rambles and things seem to slip from her mouth often. I figure if I try a bit harder to ask Cat that maybe she will tell me what she was talking about because I really want to know. I don't even know if I could put a name yet on what Jade and I are but we've started dating and I feel like that's enough to deserve to know about what's going on.

I walk into Hollywood Arts and to my locker. I open it and get some books for my first class and put them into my brown bag. When I'm finished I close my locker and look around the hallway. Cat isn't anywhere and normally she's here by now. I haven't even seen Cat since last night when she ran off at the party.

"Has anyone seen Cat?!" I shout to get heard through the filled hallway.

Sinjin who's near me at his food covered locker turns to look at me. "I think she's in the janitors closet." He tells me and looks back at his locker.

He spits a piece of gum onto his hand and sticks it onto his locker. He grins at the sight. I cover my mouth in disgust and nod. I begin to walk past him to the janitors closet without even bothering to thank him. When I finally get to the janitors closet I uncover my mouth and slowly open the door.

I see Cat on her knees with her eyes half open. I see a white cardigan on the ground near her. I see a bloody razor blade on the ground with drops of blood on the floor around it. I look at it with my eyes furrowed. My eyes land on Cat's arms and I gasp. I notice many scars. Some faded scars and other fresh ones. I see a deep cut on one of her arms that has blood running from it down her arm.

"CAT! Oh my god!" I shout and get onto my knees next to her.

I can't believe what I'm seeing. My best friend, someone who I thought was the most cheerful girl I've ever met has cuts all over her arms. To say I'm surprised is an understatement. I thought Cat freaked out at the small sight off blood but I guess I was wrong.

I hated seeing someone I cared about look this weak. She looks like she could pass out any minute now. It was one of the worst feelings. I consider Cat one of my best friends. She looks really hurt and vulnerable. Her eyes were only half open but I could see that emotion that had been haunting me in her eyes. Something about it brought life to her eyes and made them glow. I still couldn't define the emotion and that frustrated me big time.

"Jade...hurts me...so much...but I still...love her...hurts...me..." Cat says, between breathes.

My eyes widened at that. Cat cut herself because of Jade? Jade is the one who made her feel this way? I didn't know what to think. Something definitely happened between Cat and Jade. I still don't know what happened but Jade must have done something really bad to Cat. Something bad enough to cause Cat to want to hurt herself. Something to make someone who I always thought was the happiest person alive truly broken.

I don't want to get hurt. What if Jade does something to me too? She definitely did something to Cat so why would I be an exception? I don't know if I can sit waiting everyday until Jade finally destroys me. I'm too scared to take this risk. I don't want to question whether I'm good enough anymore than I already have. I keep assuring myself that I have to be strong and confident but sometimes those situations that hurt you in the past can get to you so much that it becomes hard.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Cat's eyes began to close. She had to stay awake. I couldn't let her pass out. This was so scary. I didn't know what to do. I had never experienced anything like this at all. Not ever in my life. I don't know what to think. I could only imagine how Cat feels right now. Maybe she isn't a scared as I am because she's physically here but I don't know where she is emotionally or mentally due to her current state. However, I know she is way more hurt than I am.

"Cat! Stay with me! Keep your eyes open!" I shouted completely panicked. My eyes were pleading but that wasn't enough.

Cat's eyes shut all the way. She no longer had enough energy to hold herself up on her knees so she feel hard onto her stomach. Blood continued to stream from the deep cut on her arm to the ground. I couldn't let her bleed out. I couldn't let her die right in front of me. I had to do something fast but I didn't know what to do. I'd never been in this situation before.

Time was ticking and I had to move fast. I didn't have all the time in the world. Time is of the essence. There wasn't much time and I had to act fast but I didn't know what to do. Should I try to treat it myself or ask for help or... I'm horrible in these situations as you can see.

I opened the janitors closet and stuck my head out. "HELP!" I screamed in panic.

I saw Lane with his back facing me. He jumped slightly at my scream and he looked around trying to figure out where my voice is coming from. Finally he turns around and notices me. He walks to me quickly and comes inside the closet. When he sees Cat his eyes widen in shock and his jaw almost drops to the ground. The door closes behind us. The room falls into a silence.

I could taste, feel and smell the tension as it filled the air in the room. It became harder to breathe the air. It shouldn't be Cat in the situation. Whatever happened to her...she didn't deserve it. Cat should be happy like I thought she was. Tears finally started to flood my eyes. They hurt my eyes but that was nothing compared to the pain Cat must feel right now. Someone so innocent is so hurt and broken inside. Why hadn't I noticed? What happened to Cat? What did Jade do to Cat? She must have ruined her.

Lanes mouth slowly closes. He clears his throat and looks at me. "How did this happen?" Lane finally asks, shock still evident in his voice.

"I...I f-found her...right before she..."

I couldn't finish my sentence. Confused, worried, scared, nervous, sad, fear... I didn't know what to feel at once. I couldn't control everything I felt right now. I was so scared of this whole situation. I feared Cat would not be okay. I was confused about why Cat would want to hurt herself. She always seems so happy. I thought she was so childish and clueless about this kind of stuff. I always thought of Cat as someone who only wanted to hear about positive things and tuned out anything negative.

"Alright I have to call 911. Go to your next class." Lane tells me and pulls out his phone.

"No! Can I stay? I want to make sure Cat is okay..." I tell him and bite my lip.

He sighs and looks conflicted about whether he should let me stay or not. After a few minutes of completely silence again he finally nods. I flash him a thankful look and I wipe my watery eyes as he calls 911. I tune out the phone call as all these thoughts go through my mind about Jade and Cat. I need to know what happened between them. It's on my mind even more now that this is happening. I have to know. I can't let it go and I can't not worry about it.

Lane gets off the phone and he grabs a white rag from the shelf of janitors supplies. He presses it against Cat's deep cut on her arm to apply pressure. I just watch him. I can see blood seeping a little bit though the rag. I close my eyes, not wanting to see this anymore but not wanting to leave either. I just don't know what to do. Watching Cat in this condition makes me feel awful. I know it has nothing to do with me but I feel like if I'd paid more attention to my friend that I would have known she was doing this and maybe I could have stopped her.

I hear the bell ring, snapping me out of my thoughts. I open my eyes. The janitors closet door opens and a few paramedics come inside. They turn Cat onto her back and lift her up. They gently place her on a stretcher. I watch silently as they roll her away while Lane walks out behind them. I catch the door before it closes and walk out of the janitors closet into the hallway full of people.

Everyone stares at Cat on the stretcher and begins whispering among their groups of friends. I search the hallway until I find Jade at her locker. She's staring at the stretcher as the paramedics roll Cat out of Hollywood Arts and onto the ambulance outside. The expression on her face is completely unreadable. I wonder what she's thinking right now because I cannot tell at all.

Jade turns back to her locker and puts a very text books into her bag before slamming it shut. The bell ringing sounds throughout the hallway. Jade adjusted her bag on her shoulder and turns to walk to class.

"Jade!" I shout without thinking.

Jade stops in her tracks at the sound of my voice. She turns to look at me. Her expression is completely emotionless as if she doesn't even care that Cat is being taken to the hospital. I don't understand how she could possibly not care. I had always thought that she and Cat were sorta friends. She should at least look a little concerned but not at all. I wonder if it were me on that stretcher if she would even care at all. If she would show a look of sympathy or worry.

She crosses her arms and they rest under her chest, pushing her big breasts up higher. I can't help but stare at them. They are large, round and lay perfectly on her chest. As she breathes, her breasts rise and fall with her chest. They even bounce a little with every breath she takes. I wonder what it would be like to feel the rhythm of her breathing against her breasts.

I walk towards her as she waits, staring at me. The halls become clear until it's just her and I. I feel like when I say something the words would bounce around each wall and echo through the hallway.

"What?" She asks, finally breaking the silence.

"What happened between you and Cat?" I ask her again.

"Nothing happened bet-" She starts to defend.

"I know something happened Jade. Stop trying to hide whatever it is from me. Cat cut herself and now she's going to the hospital. Right before she passed out she said that you hurt her so much but she still loves you." I interrupt her.

Her eyes widen slightly at first. Her expression stays unreadable but her eyes are wide. I can't tell if it's shock that Cat said that or shock that Cat feels that way or maybe even both. Her eyes return to their normal state. I hear her swallow before sighing softly.

"I didn't do anything to Cat. She's making things up because she's confused." Jade tells me.

"I don't think Cat would just make up something like that. Jade, she has feelings. Maybe she's fragile but she wouldn't just cut herself over nothing." I say.

"Tori she makes things mean more than they are." She explains.

I shake my head. "Then what did she make mean more than it was?" I ask.

"Nothing." Jade answers, simply.

I can't help but roll my eyes. I know something is going on. I'm not that stupid.

"Jade, it's not nothing. Tell me what happened and stop trying to avoid it. Your not gonna get out of this that easily. Cat is one of my best friends and I hate knowing that she decided to cut herself but she didn't just do it for no reason. You really hurt her! I don't know what you did but based on what i've heard and pieced together I know you hurt her and she loves you. She has feelings Jade! She's not just emotionless like you are! I just...I don't think I can see you anymore."

Jade looks completely stunned in response. I take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair.

"You don't want to date me anymore because of Cat?" Jade asks, sounding slightly angry.

"If you hurt her then you'll hurt me too." I say in a quiet voice and look down at the ground.

"Tori..." She says in a soft voice.

I don't think I've ever heard her say anything soft before. It actually sounded caring and sympathetic. That word was like the bread at the end of her fishing hook. I'm the fish and she's the hook. She almost caught me and I almost took the bate but then I remembered the image I had of Cat being rolled out of Hollywood Arts on a stretcher. I instinctively cringed and my eyes snapped back up to look at her.

"No Jade! What has changed since you hurt Cat? You won't even tell me what happened. If you had changed at all you would admit what you did and you would admit that whatever you did was wrong but you haven't and your not doing that. Your still the same person and you'll hurt me too."

After speaking, I turn around and walk out of Hollywood Arts. I know I don't need to wait for Jade to say anything else at all. I know she still won't tell me, no matter what. Maybe I don't even need to know. I think I know enough. Jade hurt Cat and that's all I need to know.

When I walk outside, I watch her through the glass doors. If she really cared about me at all she would come after me but of course she didn't. She turned around and walked down the hallway to her next class. It hurt a little but I know that if I stayed with her longer that maybe I would end up just as hurt as Cat seems to be. I didn't realize what Jade was capable of. I still don't know what Jade is capable of.

I walk to the asphalt cafe and sit down at a picnic table. I know I should be in class right now but I can't bring myself to go back inside. Not after what just happened. Not after I just ended things with Jade and not while the image of Cat being taken away on a stretcher is still fresh in my mind.

So much happened in one morning and it's all I can think about right now.

I don't know what to think about Cat cutting herself because that was very shocking based on how Cat acts normally. Cat never seemed like she was hurt emotionally at all so that's what confuses me. It makes me question Cat's personality. I don't think she could be that happy if she cuts herself. I've never known someone who cuts themselves or much about cutting but it seems like you create the scars on your arms because you have emotional scars.

I don't know if I made the right decision by ending things with Jade. I really like her. I always thought that deep down Jade was a good person but now I don't know. Jade is so carefree that it was even hard to tell if she cared about me but I always thought that she must have cared about me at least a little. Now, I'm wondering if she had been setting me up to hurt me. Was I just one of her sick little games? You'd think by now after being toyed with various different times that I would be able to figure it out but I guess I'm not that smart.

Tears blur my vision. Tears slowly stream down my cheeks. My nose becomes a little clogged and my eyes sting but I ignore it. I wipe my watery eyes and the tears on my cheek. I take a deep breath and let out a shaky one.

I begin to think again, am I not good enough? Why does almost everyone I date end up hurting me? Is there something wrong with me? Does everyone think I'm so easy to fool? Why can't someone like me and respect me?

I know Jade hadn't hurt me yet but I know if she hurt Cat then there's a chance she'll hurt me too. I don't want to have to lose my confidence anymore. It's bad enough that I already have from my past relationships.

I always let my guard down so easily. I figured that if I put up walls that they will stop me from finding something truly amazing but now I'm thinking that my guard should be up at least a little bit. I want my walls to be harder to break. I'm sick of always being in pain when a relationship doesn't work out.

A few hours later I convince Trina to drive me to the hospital so I can see Cat. I had to agree that I would cover for her when she buys Fazini boots with my mom or dad's credit card. I knew I had to see Cat and make sure she was okay so I wound up agreeing to Trina's condition.

After a while of waiting at the hospital, I was finally allowed to go in Cat's room. A nurse led me to Cat's room. I was so nervous about what condition Cat would be in. Would she be okay? Would she not be okay? These questions went through my mind.

The nurse slowly opened the door and let me inside. She closed the door behind her so I was the only one in the room. My eyes landed on the red haired girl in the hospital bed. The same girl who cut herself, who passed out in the janitors closet, who was dragged away on the stretcher, and the same girl who's watery eyes are wide open right now. She's awake.

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**Another cliffhanger. I know some of you might not be happy about Jori breaking up but I might surprise you. You'll see why I broke them up later on. I love hearing that you guys love this story and want me to continue. Trust me I will continue. There's a lot more coming up. Review if you want because it will make me happy and I'll update faster.**


	8. Not Safe

**Hey, it took me a long time to update so I'm sorry but I finally finished this chapter._ Two-Ways-Down-None-To-Go _started as my beta this chapter so I want to thank her, now hopefully it's written a little better since someone looked it over. I hope you guys like this chapter and please review.**

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Cat POV:

I kept my eyes focused on the wall until my vision cleared. I looked around to find myself in a really bright room that looked a little like a hospital room. The walls were white and baby blue, like they were supposed to comfort me, but they didn't feel at all comforting. Not even the slightest bit.

The last thing I remember was watching Jade walk away from me out of the janitor's closet…after she reinforced the idea that 'what happened that night meant nothing.' It hurts so much that she even thinks that…

Jade hurts me so much but I can't control how much I love her. I've tried so hard _not_ to love her, but it never worked. She always pulls my heart in her direction; Jade can make or break my heart, but she always seems to choose breaking it.

The memory sends a sharp pain through me. I put my hand on my heart. I remember when her lips were on this spot; they were juicy, soft, and warm. I could feel her breath between her parted lips as she breathed against my skin before they began to slide toward each other as they pressed together, kissing it.

A breath sticks in my throat as my heart begins pounding at the very thought. I remember when it thumped this rapidly that night; it felt so amazing to have my breath taken away. The feeling is indescribable, and I couldn't begin to try. I wasn't just floating on the water.

I was flying above it.

As my hand remains on my briskly beating heart, I begin to realize that I don't feel the layer of my cream colored cardigan over my cute dress. There's still a layer there, but it's thin. Thin like the water that drowns me, or like the air when I can't feel Jade's breath close to me. The thin air is so easy to breathe that it's not enough for me.

I look down and notice a hospital gown instead of my clothes. My hands curl around the tip of the sheets and pull them up a little bit so they cover me up to my chin. I hold myself under the sheets and I feel something on them. I pull the covers down and see large bandages covering the cuts on both of my arms.

They remind me that, no matter how far I pull my covers up, I'm anything but safe.

My eyes grow watery and widen with fear. I let out a soft whimper before my chest starts to tighten around my lungs. The pressure seems to crawl up my throat. I let out the air and start hyperventilating. I don't feel safe. I feel scared. I want to feel safe. I need to feel safe. I close my eyes and begin to imagine myself in the safest place I can think of.

"I'm under my bed... I'm under my bed... I'm under my bed... I'm under my bed..." I repeat quietly with fear all over my voice.

Did they see my cuts? What if people find out I'm broken? What if they find out I'm deeper than they think? What if they find out I've been lying to them this whole time? What will happen to me? Everyone will hate me. I can't be rejected again.

I want to be happy…

Sometimes I get so lost into the person I show everyone that I believe it myself, but then I snap back into reality. I have thoughts that no one knows about and no one would expect. But sometimes, I imagine myself in a fantasy world. Where I'm who I used to be. Then I get sad that I will never be that person again, and it hurts so much. I wish I were naive and clueless like I used to be. It was much easier that way.

I open my eyes and notice a doctor walking out of my room. The door closes behind him, leaving me alone. I hadn't even noticed he was in here. Maybe he was in here the whole time, or maybe he came in while I was picturing myself under my bed.

The door opens again and Tori walks inside my room slowly. She has a worried expression on her face. How did she know I'm here? Why is she here? Why does she look worried?

So many questions run through my mind. I'm confused over how I got here and what happened to me… I just feel so lost and scared right now.

Tori sits in a chair near my bed and looks at me. "Hi," she says in a quiet voice as she looks at her lap.

"W-w-what happened?" I ask quietly.

Tori takes a deep breath and looks up at me. She hesitates before she speaks, like she's trying to find the right words to say. "I found you in the janitor's closet," she answers slowly. "You were passed out because you…you cut yourself too deep…"

I gasp softly and feel my heart stop. This has to be a dream. A very bad dream… But it's okay. When I wake up, I'll be back home in my bed, and no one will know I cut myself. No one will know anything. These bandages won't be on my arms either. I'll wake up and none of this will be happening right now.

"This is a just a dream..." I mumble without even realizing it, letting out the air I'd be holding when I gasped.

"No Cat, it's not a dream," Tori tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts. "…I wish it was." Tori runs her fingers through her hair. She pauses with her hand in her hair and sighs. "Cat, what did Jade do to you?" she asks.

"What are you talking about?" I ask innocently, though I know exactly what she's asking.

"Cat, I know something happened!" Tori cries. Her eyes are really sad, like she's going to beg me. "Stop trying to hide it from me… What happened?"

I can't tell Tori what happened. I told her way too much at that party, but I really hoped she would forget about it. I couldn't tell her what happened between me and Jade; Jade was really mad at me earlier for it. I hate it so much when she's mad at me or even mean to me. It makes me feel absolutely horrible. I just want her to be nice to me.

She was nice to me once…

****Not Safe****

_I was skipping happily in the Hollywood Arts hallway. I wasn't pretending to be happy like I do now; I was actually happy. I remember thinking that I was so excited for another day of the best school in the entire world of the universe. That doesn't make sense, but a lot of things don't make sense…like what's wrong with my brother…_

_Anyway, I wasn't looking where I was going and I didn't notice a wet floor sign. My ballet flats slid on the wet ground as I fell back onto my butt. Everyone in the hallway started laughing at me. My eyes grew watery and some tears fell as people continued laughing at me; I was __**so**__ embarrassed because they wouldn't stop._

_"Can't you read a sign?" one guy asked me, gesturing to the wet floor sign. He had light skin and short, layered, dirty blonde hair with blue eyes._

_"What's that supposed to mean?!" I asked dramatically. _

_"Aw are you crying? Poor baby," a girl in a cheerleader uniform teased. She had brown hair bulled into a high ponytail with the bow that came with her really cute uniform. I quickly wiped my eyes so they would leave me alone. _

_"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" A voice boomed throughout the hallway. I turned around and saw Jade. She held a pair of sharp black scissors tightly in her hand. Everyone immediately fell silent out of fear. _

_Jade rolled her eyes and walked over to me. She held out her other hand. I hesitantly took it and she pulled me up, revealing the back of my wet skirt. Everyone began to laugh again as they saw my skirt, but then Jade gave everyone harsh death glares and pointed her scissors in their direction. They immediately became quiet again; if looks could kill, they would all be dead right now._

_The bell rang and everyone began to walk off to their next class. I turned to Jade and smiled widely at her._

_"Thanks Jade!" I said, grateful that she defended me._

_I didn't expect Jade to defend me considering the fact that she wasn't exactly nice to me at all and she usually enjoys other people's pain. Her defending me made me really happy within seconds; it made me feel special._

_"Yeah whatever..." she nodded off before she started walking to her next class. Before she walked halfway, she stopped in her tracks and turned around. She walked back over to me and fished in her bag until she found a pen._

"_Hold out your hand," she ordered._

"_Kay kay," I replied as I held out my hand. She turned my hand over and wrote "Locker #A105, Combo 0-34-26" on the palm of my hand._

"_What's this?" I asked her in confusion._

"_There's a pair of shorts in my gym locker," Jade explains. "Just find that locker number and put in the combination."_

"_Kay kay, thanks!" I exclaimed happily._

_Jade nodded and turned on her heels, heading off to class._

****Not Safe****

I never gave back those gym shorts.

I still have them in my closet. I kept forgetting to give them back, and eventually I just figured she probably forgot that she ever gave them to me or that she was ever nice to me. Keeping them helps me hang onto that memory, and it reminds me that Jade can be nice.

"Cat?" Tori calls. "Cat..._Cat_?!" She waves her hand in front of my face to get my attention back on her.

"Huh?" I ask, snapping back into reality.

Tori's hand falls onto to her lap and her face falls. "What happened between you and Jade?" she asks again, slightly annoyed that I didn't answer her the first time she asked.

I'm at a dead end and I don't know what to do. There's no way out no matter how much I try to run. Jade can run away, but I can't. I'm being closed in while she has the perfect path to just take off without me. I'm being suffocated.

There's nowhere else to go.

"I…I…I can't tell you…" I answer quietly as I look down.

"Why not?" Tori questions.

Even though I can't see her face, she's clearly disappointed by my answer. I don't understand why she can't just let it go; I can't tell her anymore. It's bad enough that she's seen this much of who I really am, but I don't want her to dig any deeper than she already is; it's just too much right now.

"Cat…I know you love Jade," Tori informs me, ending the small silence after I don't say anything.

My eyes widen even more. If Tori knows, then that means Jade knows…and Jade will _not_ be happy about that! Jade doesn't love me; she'll never love me how I love her, and it hurts so much. She has already rejected me once. I can't have her reject me again, not after she already has so much.

Loving Jade while she doesn't love me back feels like a thousand knives stabbing my heart as it slowly breaks into pieces. I just want all the pain to stop, but I can't stop it from happening. I wish I could; I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't control it.

I feel so helpless…

"W-w-what?" I ask as a few more tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them before Tori can see.

"Cat, you told me right before you passed out that you love Jade," Tori tells me in a soft voice as if she doesn't want me to get upset. It's a little late for that. "You also said that she hurts you a lot."

I told Tori? I'm so stupid! I can't keep my mouth shut anymore. All these years, I was so good at keeping this a secret, but now I'm getting trapped in my lie… I'm such a big liar. You can only lie for so long. I'm stupid for thinking I could hide something like this.

"Oh…" I murmur, still not looking at her.

I swallow as a melancholy taste climbs up my throat, begging me to let out a sob. It continues trying to get through; it stings and makes me want to cry so badly. As much as I want, I don't feel comfortable crying in front of Tori. I'm surprised I even have tears left.

"Cat, if you don't talk to me, I can't help you."

I slowly shake my head. "Tori, you can't help me," I assure her. "You can't help me at all. I've tried so hard already to get over her. It's been three years since she…" I let out a shaky breath and stop talking.

"Since she _what_, Cat?" Tori asks, her voice showing how eager she is to know what happened.

I look up at her as more tears flow down my cheeks. "Never mind!" I scream. "Just go away! I _can't_ tell you, Tori! Stop asking and please go now!"

She just sits there, her eyes wide in shock at my sudden outburst. Her mouth shuts and she's completely frozen. I start scowling, getting angry that she didn't listen to me. She won't leave and I want to be alone.

"_Go_!" I yell loudly as I point to the door.

A doctor comes into my room quickly after I yelled, looking completely alarmed.

Stunned, Tori slowly gets up. Right before she walks out the door, she looks back at me. Her face shows concern and worry. She sighs, her face still full of concern and worry, but turns around and walks out of the room.

The doctor asks me if I'm okay and everything is alright. I assure him I'm fine, even though I'm lying. I hope he believes me, because I'm _such_ a good liar…and that makes me feel horrible, but he doesn't; he keeps asking if I'm sure I'm okay. Finally, when he doesn't get the truth out of me, he just accepts the lie and leaves.

A few hours later, my parents come into my hospital room together. My mom looked very sad, her eyes watery and puffy and her nose bright red. My dad looks sympathetic and concerned.

"Hey kiddo, I brought something that might cheer you up," my dad tells me.

I noticed something in my dad's arms; it had a white face with light and dark purple skin in a spotted pattern, purple fur on its legs and back, dark eyes, and a wide smile.

"Mr. Purple!" I scream happily as I reach my arms out to hold the stuffed giraffe.

My dad chuckles a little, amused at my excitement, and hands him to me. I hug Mr. Purple close, feeling the soft fur against my chest. I tilt my face down so Mr. Purple's face and long neck are nuzzled into the crook of my neck with his cheek squeezed under my chin.

Mr. Purple has been my best friend for as long as I can remember; my Nona on my mom's side of the family gave him to me the day I was born. He knows everything because he's always been there for me. I always vent to him and stain him with my tears.

He's more than just a stuffed animal.

"Cat, how did you start doing this?" my mom questions, her voice disappointed and saddened.

****Not Safe****

_I was already very upset. I couldn't stop thinking about Jade since that night, and it hurt to think about her after she rejected me. I began to wonder why she did it; I came up with a bunch of bad things about myself that would make her not want me. I felt completely worthless after I ran all the bad things through my head and they got stuck in there like monster glue that I couldn't ever rip out. _

_I started to think I deserved the rejection I got from her._

_During the school day, I would see her walk around looking completely apathetic and emotionless, like it didn't matter. I couldn't understand how she did that, but it made me sadder than I could ever describe. It was so painful to be sad all the time…_

_I've had crushes before, but this was different. I knew I had lost my virginity at that party, but everything else after that just confused me. I cried every night and even during the day when no one else was around._

_It was just a normal day when I cut myself and I didn't mean to, but I had made a colorful beaded bracelet a while ago. I didn't want to wear it anymore and the knot on the thick string was too tight for me to untie by hand; it was also very fixed on my wrist, so I couldn't just pull it off._

_I couldn't find a pair of scissors anywhere to cut the bracelet. I searched basically everywhere and couldn't find a single pair. _

_Then I had an idea. _

_Maybe I could cut through the thick string with a knife. _

_I went to the kitchen and found a very sharp knife in the first drawer. I moved all the beads to the other side of my wrist, freeing up an empty space to cut through. I grabbed the knife and faced the sharp point to my wrist. I lifted the string and started using the knife to saw on it. _

_Eventually, it cut through and the beads fell onto the ground, making noise against the tiled floor. I turned to look at the floor where the beads fell. I leaned down to pick them up but then tensed when I felt a small sting on my wrist. _

_I looked back at my wrist and the knife had pressed into my skin and made a small diagonal cut across my wrist. I quickly move the knife away. _

_It stung a little, but it wasn't bad like I thought it would be. It actually felt soothing. It was weird, but I liked the feeling. Suddenly, my mind cleared as I focused on the nice feeling and how fascinating the blood looked on my wrist. After a while, I washed the cut. But somehow, the stinging from the water against my cut didn't even bother me like it usually did. _

_I put the knife down and got a band aid out of the medicine cabinet. I put it on the cut and went down to pick up the beads so I could put them in a plastic bag to take up to my room. I could feel the small pain of the cut, but it felt good. Like a release of all my thoughts and emotional pain I had._

_Later on, I was sitting in my bed, hugging Mr. Purple to my chest. I was thinking about Jade even more. It had hurt so much that I started crying as bad thoughts and insecurities made their way through my mind and the glue stuck._

_I remembered how soothing that feeling was and I looked for something else sharp to cut myself with, because I had wanted to feel it again. I told myself it would just be a onetime thing that I did to feel better. _

_I found a razor blade in my bathroom. _

_I went back to my bed and put the sharp blade to my wrist. I bit my lower lip and hesitantly dragged it across my wrist, slowly tearing apart my skin; I immediately sighed in relief at the feeling. My thoughts faded as I looked at the blood on my wrist. I wiped my eyes as tears formed and quickly shut them. I wiggled my wrist with the new cut a little to feel the irritation even more._

****Not Safe****

Ever since then, I couldn't stop.

I would always say this is the last time I'm going to cut myself, but then—whenever I feel upset, stressed, hurt, or any other bad feelings—I would cut myself to feel better. Eventually, I gave up telling myself that I wouldn't do it again because I knew I would; I stopped caring because I needed the feeling. I craved the pain and it became an addiction.

A very unhealthy addiction that I needed…

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**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Up next is Jade's POV and there is something interesting I have planned... Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the flashbacks because they were very difficult to write. I'll try to update faster next time, I had a lot going on so it became harder to finish the chapter quickly. Your reviews make me really happy so please leave some if you want. Of course it's optional but I'm recommending it.**


	9. Old Flashbacks, New Nightmares

**Hey everyone, I want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed on chapter 8 because I it was the most reviews I had ever gotten on one chapter and ****I hope to get even more reviews on this chapter. I**** will thank people and do shout-outs but I wanted to save that for the last chapter. This is a very unexpected chapter and I really hope you like it. **

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Jade POV:

I sit on a dark red chair in my room, drinking a mug of coffee. I let the hot delicious liquid slush around my mouth and roll down my throat. I savor the taste on my tongue as I rub it on the roof of my mouth to cool it down slightly.

The word_ 'love' _keeps invading my thoughts; that _word_ causes my lungs to stiffen and my brain to pound inside my head like the beat of blaring music. It isn't the type of beat that you can drown yourself in, but the beat that is so obnoxious that you just want to shove a knife in your brain to make it stop.

Cat can't love me.

Even at the simple thought of her feeling that emotion for me, I feel sharp pain shoot through my chest. I fucked her one night and it meant nothing. I keep telling her it meant nothing, but she doesn't listen to me. She allowed herself to think it meant more until finally it became what she thinks is 'love.'

It's just her mind messing things up because she's too confused.

I wonder what goes on in her head. I always thought her head was a gigantic puzzle, but now, I know it's beyond that.

I had never bothered to read into Cat's façade; Cat acts so childish and innocent all the time, and she always seems so happy. I always thought that in her eyes, the world is a picture perfect place and nothing bad ever happens. I never figured she could be any deeper than that, but she's in the hospital for self-harm.

Tori told me that I was the one plaguing her.

I know Cat did it right after we talked and I told her to forget about what happened three years ago. Cat needs to get over what happened; it was three years ago. I can't change anything that happened in the past.

I shake my head slowly. I don't know why I keep thinking about this when it really doesn't matter to me. Cat is pulling me into this mess as if she thinks it's unfinished. But to me, it's already done. It needs to be, because it's already starting to revolve around my thoughts.

I need it to stop.

I close my eyes and they race behind my lids as a scene begins to play in my head.

It's of Cat on the gurney being wheeled away.

Her lips were pressed together tightly. Her eyes were closed and mascara-coated tears stained down her cheeks, making it known that she had been crying. Her skin was unusually pale and her wrists were poorly and temporarily bandaged, blood already staining the white material. Cat looked so delicate, like a porcelain china doll that could break at any moment, maybe even one that had already broken on the inside.

Once Cat had gone through the door, I could hear Tori shout my name, which snapped me back into the present and forced me to peel my eyes open.

The scene stirred something inside my chest and it felt like my chest was caving in on itself. It was then I realized I'd been holding a breath. My compressed lungs expand while I deeply draw in air, as if it will help me clear the images from my head.

I can't stop replaying the scene in my head; it's like a bad movie on a continuous loop. I can't get rid of it and the more it replays, the more I feel the air inside me leaving. I don't know why the scene won't leave my head; I've seen better horror movies that I don't even think about this much.

I sigh deeply and take another sip of my scorching coffee, letting it burn as it hits my tongue and wash down my throat while I try to think of anything else. Finally, my mind moves onto Tori Vega.

Tori just ended things with me.

I didn't even know what she and I would turn into in the first place, and she's already believes that I'm going to hurt her. I'm trying not to care and to think of it as being _her_ loss, but it annoys me that she just gave up this early. She just ended things before we even—what am I saying?

She thinks that I hurt Cat and now I'm going to do the same to her. I hate being thought of as predictable. That's not who I am at all. No one can ever expect what I'm going to do next because no one knows me. Tori might think she knows me, but she doesn't.

My thoughts get cut off when the door to my room slowly opens. My eight-year-old brother, Ethan, comes inside. He has pale skin that's slightly darker than mine with short, light brown hair and big, light blue eyes. Ethan's nose is very similar in shape to mine, but his lips are thinner than mine, like our father. He wears a plain gray t-shirt and blue jeans, along with a pair of dirty white sneakers.

Whenever I see him, I feel a hard ache in my chest along with a weird feeling climbing up my throat. Something about him always seems like déjà vu; I can never put the pieces together, but I know he reminds me of someone. Yes he has features similar to my mother's and my father's and even mine, but he seems to always resemble someone else more.

I see blurred images in my mind. I try blinking, to see if that would help my brain clear the images so I can see what they are and if they mean anything, but the effort proves frivolous.

"Hey, Jade," Ethan greets, shifting on his feet while staying in front of the door as if he expects that I'd yell at him if he even takes one step further. He sends me a small smile, his lips pressed together.

I wonder why he's even here; usually, he only comes on certain weekends to see my mother, and she never even lets him near me. She tells him that I'm a bad influence, but I still can't help but think that's not a good enough excuse to keep two siblings away from each other. I never really cared much, though, because he's a pain to be around.

But I'm starting to think that there is another reason why my mom keeps him away from me.

"Ethan." His name rolls off my tongue, no emotion behind it. I click my teeth together as a sigh escapes from my throat. "Why are you here?" I ask in a hard, cold voice that demands an answer. His eyes grow slightly nervous, along with the rest of his face, and his gaze shifts away from me.

"Dad had to stay later at work so he dropped me off here," Ethan explains as he digs his teeth into his lower lip. His teeth drag back behind his lip as his stare turns back to me. "Where's mom?"

"I don't know and I don't care," I answer nonchalantly as I shrug my shoulders. I take an additional sip of coffee and let the steaming liquid slush around my mouth a little before I swallow.

"Oh okay..." His eyes move to look around the room, unsure of what to do next.

The pain in my chest continues to grow, but I can't figure out why.

I open my mouth to order Ethan out of my room, but no sound comes out. I don't want him to start talking; the longer he's here, the more annoying he gets. I also don't want him standing near my door like an idiot, and I don't want this feeling lingering inside of me that he brings on.

I clear my throat, about to speak, but then I hear footsteps coming toward my room. I know it's my mother; I doubt a burglar would break into a house wearing loud and obnoxious high heels.

Finally, I see her standing by my door in her usual black business attire.

My mother's hair is naturally light brown like mine, but she dyed it a shade darker to hide her gray hairs; her graying roots are growing in. Her eyes are light green and always seem to catch me as familiar, but I shake off the feeling like always. As much as I hate to admit, my mother is a pretty looking woman; but if you glimpse closely at her features, they mirror mine. Her lips are full figured like mine and her body curves much like mine. She also has wrinkles and many untimely lines across her forehead and around her eyes that I assume come from the stress of how much she works.

She looks at me like a stranger. We barely ever interact, considering the fact that she's never at home. But when we do speak, she's very bitter and always has something bad to say about me. I remember there was a time when she actually was home, when she actually gave a fuck about me and we weren't strangers. I don't even remember when that changed, but it did. I know there's a reason—it's on the tip of my tongue—but I still can't figure it out.

Her gaze shifts from me to Ethan. I can see right away in her eyes that she looks at him much differently than she looks at me. She doesn't look at him as a stranger but she doesn't look at him with loving eyes either; it's almost like she's trying to look at him the way she should, but her eyes appear lost.

At least with Ethan she tries.

"Ethan, I told you to never go into her room," Mom scolds.

She doesn't even say my name, and I don't even remember the last time she has. I wonder if she even remembers my name at all sometimes. Maybe it's just easy to forget about someone when you don't bother to give a shit about them.

"But I just came in here to ask Jade if you were home," he whines.

My mother gives a small nod and gestures out the door with her hand. Ethan nods quickly and doesn't even say bye to me before running out of the room. My mom turns to walk out of the room behind him.

"Mom," I call with venom lacing my tongue. She stops abruptly in her tracks and slowly turns to face me.

"What?" she spits coldly, crossing her arms.

I run my tongue across my teeth and rub my lips together, trying to think of what to say now that I have her attention. I purse my lips and swallow hard, knowing I'm about to ask a question that's probably better left unasked. I don't know why I never asked before, but…for some reason, the urge to know the answer is much greater now than it's ever been.

"Why do you always try to keep him away from me?" I ask with a crease in my brow.

She looks at me, her expression washed over with anger; her eyebrows arch like the answer should be completely obvious. I start to expect her to tell me what I've heard her tell Ethan: that I'm a bad influence and shouldn't be around him. Maybe she'll even add things about me being a worthless disgrace.

"You are the reason my other child didn't live past seven years old," she states bitterly. "You're not going to be the reason Ethan doesn't live past eight." She leaves my room without another word.

My eyes widen in shock at her response, mainly because it wasn't even _close_ to the one I had been expecting.

The memories also begin to flood back.

My throat dries, but a strange taste slowly makes its way inside. It's…sour, and my nose and eyes started to itch; it's a melancholy taste. I try to wash it out with more coffee and swallow it back down.

Those words spark something in me, and I remember everything.

Such distant memories I had buried away stream clearly in my mind. Everything that covers them disappears. Now I remember why both my parents want absolutely nothing to do with me, why my mom always keeps Ethan away from me, and who Ethan reminds me of.

Pain shoots down my body to the point where I can barely breathe.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but I can't stop the memory from playing behind my eyes.

***Old Flashbacks, New Nightmares***

_ I was on my bed, leaning my back against the headboard. My legs were stretched out, but crossed under my knees. I furiously clicked away on my red laptop, writing my first play at only twelve years old._

_ I was very engrossed in my work as I wrote a scene. My eyes were glued to the computer screen and I barely even let myself blink. My fingers just continued to type against the keyboard, though; I was too focused on my writing to waste any time at all. _

_ "Jade?" I heard a voice ask._

_ In the corner of my eye I could see my seven-year-old brother, Danny, with is light brown hair and green eyes. He wore a baseball cap and gym shorts with a simple t-shirt, holding our Siberian husky on a leash. _

_ "What, Danny?" I ask, my eyes not leaving the computer screen. "Can't you see I'm busy?"_

_ "But Jade," Danny whined, "Mom and Dad left with Ethan and Stella needs a walk…" _

_ "So then take her for a walk," I suggested, quickly waving my little brother off without any thought. I should have paid more attention to him, but I was more focused on my computer._

_ "By myself?" he asked, surprised._

_ "Yeah sure, whatever," I mumbled, trying to get him to leave._

_ I saw him shrug in the corner of my eye. "Okay," he breathed skeptically as he walked off._

***Old Flashbacks, New Nightmares***

I try to swallow the sorrowful taste in my mouth to no avail. I need to get rid of it. I haven't cried in years, and I'm not going to now. I curl my lip into my mouth behind my teeth and bite down hard. My tongue swipes across my lip, tasting the coffee that still lingers. I can't help but pull my teeth back into my mouth and put the mug between my lips. I tilt my head back and chug the rest of the coffee down, not even caring that it burns in my throat.

I put the mug down on the side table and get off the chair. I walk quietly to my bed, not wanting to break the silence that fills the room. Even though the silence gives me way too much time to think, something about breaking it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't really put my finger on what it is.

I lie down on top of the covers and close my eyes. I just want to sleep and forget about the thoughts screaming through my head. I don't want to think about the memories flooding back. I want to forget them, to make everything easier again...

Once I manage to force the thoughts out of my head, I drift off into sleep.

***Old Flashbacks, New Nightmares***

_ There were police cars and an ambulance surrounding the usually busy street behind bright yellow tape that read 'DO NOT CROSS'._

_ I could hear the voices of the people that stood behind the cross tape, but I couldn't distinguish what they said since they all spoke in murmured whispers at the same time. There was a loud crying and I wanted to figure out who it was, but I started trembling._

_ I stood on my tiptoes to get a better view of the situation and saw my brother lying on the ground, dirt staining his clothes. Danny lay completely motionless on his back and his arms were sprawled lazily on the concrete. A large, bleeding gash ran across his forehead and multiple scratches covered his face. His limbs looked dislocated and his body was disheveled, compressed at an unnatural position._

_ The ambulance doors burst open and four paramedics ran out. They carefully lifted him off the ground and onto a stretcher. They were gentle, careful not to break anything else on Danny's lifeless body. I watched the four strange men wheel my little brother into the ambulance before they drove away._

***Old Flashbacks, New Nightmares***

I snap up in my bed, gasping for breath. I slap my hand against my sternum and try to take a slow deep breath. A quick, shaking breath racks my body as my pulse hammers in my throat. The pain I felt before intensifies in my chest and my stomach starts doing backflips.

The melancholy taste returns to my throat and, before I can stop it from happening, tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I don't want to cry; I hate crying. But I can't force the tears to stop falling.

I had two brothers once.

_ Had. _

Now I only have one. Ethan is my only brother now, and he's almost exactly like Danny; Ethan's looks and his pain-in-the-ass personality both remind me of Danny. He's like a living reminder of happened to Danny five years ago, and that's why seeing him always brings on these hard aches inside me.

My parents changed after Danny died.

They drifted apart from each other and everyone else. They resent me because they think it was my fault he was hit by a car. They think if I hadn't been so careless to let him walk the dog alone, he would still be here.

Maybe he would still be here.

More tears stream down my face and I can't push any of them away. I haven't cried in years; I hadn't cried since Danny died, and I don't want to cry anymore. If only that could stop my puffy-eyed, clogged-nose mess.

I try to forget about even having another brother; forgetting about Danny makes forgetting about what happened to him so much easier.

I was depressed for a month after it happened; I wouldn't leave my room, get out of bed, or talk to anyone at all.

Then finally, forgetting was the best way to cope with everything.

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**A few people asked of an explanation on Jade a few chapters ago and I actually had been planning this for a while but I chose to wait until after Cat was in the hospital to give Jade's backstory because I thought it flowed better with the story and it's direction. I'll try to update fast but I can't promise because sometimes things get in the way. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint!**


	10. Honeymoon Phase

**Don't kill me! It took forever to update this I know but since this was a filler chapter, it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to happen in this chapter and also a few things got in the way but I know these aren't good excuses so I'm sorry but I promise I will complete this story. Someone last chapter said that it was a disappoint because there wasn't enough Jori. Of course a lot of you are fans of Jori or Cade if you are reading this but I hope you also read because your interested in what happens. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!**

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Tori POV:

I sit at the kitchen table picking at a muffin. It's an average Saturday morning in Los Angeles where the sun is shining over the entire city, and Trina's loud, obnoxious singing from her room screeches in my ears, racking my brain.

I'm not torn up over not having Jade anymore. I never really _had_ Jade to begin with; it was only one date and then a party where we hung out together. It wasn't anything official; Jade wasn't my girlfriend. Of course I really _like_ Jade, but it will be easier to get over her than to get over the situation.

The way Jade hurt me made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was treated like I didn't deserve trust or situation was happening the whole time, right under my nose, but I let it happen. I didn't realize it because I was too caught up in what I thought could become a new relationship…

A new relationship is like a new car;it smells and feels new. It's different because you're not used to it, but when you roll the windows down and speed off, you feel your hair dancing along with the wind. Goosebumps from the rush of air explode on your skin. You get so lost in the feeling that you don't realize anything else around you.

It's the honeymoon phase.

When I had been dating Jade…there was a honeymoon phase, but it didn't even feel _real. _It didn't feel like we had been dating to actually go somewhere with our relationship, or even to get to know each other; it seemed like it was just a game, fake.

As I think about it more, I feel like I made the right decision by telling Jade I didn't want to date her anymore. Jade acts like Cat doesn't even have feelings, and I can't be with someone who treats people like they aren't even people; she treats them like they're just props, things in her life that she can use when they serve a purpose. But if she doesn't need them, then they don't matter at all to her.

I feel like I was just a prop in her life.

I let out a defeated sigh as I finish my muffin and think about what I will do today. I thought about hanging out with Andre, but then I remembered that he had gone to see Cat, along with Robbie and Beck. I had been invited to tag along, but I said no because I just...I couldn't go there again.

It's been three days since I visited Cat, but the Cat I'd seen at the hospital was different from the one I knew. I always thought Cat was genuine; she always seemed so lighthearted and very warm and cheerful...but that wasn't who I saw three days ago.

I had seen Cat, but...there wasn't even a small hint of her usual ebullience, her wide smile, or hergiggle.

Just darkness and emptiness.

But even though she was empty, she also…wasn't. There were so many emotions in her eyes that I still don't know the meanings of, but one thing I did know was that she tried to hide it.

She needed help, but she was pushing me away and rejecting me, saying that I couldn't help her at all.

Surprisingly, the lack of Trina's singing snaps me out of my thoughts. The quiet is…uncomforting. The only thing I can hear is the sound of my breath billowing out of my nose and slightly parted lips. It's soft and floats around the room, but it's weird…

"_Tori_!" Trina screeches from upstairs.

I cringe as Trina's piercing scream slices through my ears and echoes in my brain. I feel my chest tighten and expand before I swallow a lump in my throat. I purse my lips, but my tongue fills the space between them, slowly ripping them apart.

I look over my shoulder and my eyes fall on the stairs. "Yeah?!" I shout up to her. However, I can't be bothered to be half as loud as her.

"_Come up here_!" she demands.

I let out a sigh and press my hands against the edge of the table. I push myself up from the table and shuffle through the living room, circling the railing around my hand and gripping it tightly to balance me as I run up the stairs.

When I get to Trina's room, I see her sitting at her vanity table. Her back is facing me and her curled hair spills down her back and the fabric of her dark purple shirt that falls slightly off one shoulder. I look through the mirror and see her face is already made up, but she's still coating mascara on her eyelashes. Her eyes dart to the corner of the mirror and she notices my presence in her room.

"Where are my black Fazzini boots?" Trina asks, breaking the silence.

I can't help but raise my eyebrows. I should have known better than to think this would actually be an emergency, but hey, it's Trina.

I part my lips and allow a small sigh to escape. "I don't know where they are," I answer; annoyed because I have other things I have to be bothered with right now.

"Then who _does_ know where they are?" Trina asks while she screws the cap on her mascara and throws it into her makeup drawer.

"I don't know," I repeat as I run my fingers through my hair. "Why do you need to find them? Are you going somewhere?"

"No, but I need them," she tells me as she spins around in her swivel chair to face me.

Trina crosses her arms and legs, looking at me with a serious expression. She thinks she needs her shoes, but they are just a material item. She doesn't need them; she _wants_ them.

"Well I haven't seen them." I throw my hands up and let them fall down, dangling lazily at my sides.

Trina sighs, disappointed. She licks her lips, her eyes tearing away from me and darting around the room until, finally, she looks back at me with determination written across her face.

"You're coming with me," she decides as she slams both her hands onto her thighs. She pushes herself up and goes to grab her black purse with the pink ribbon tied to the chain.

I furrow my eyebrows at her. "Where?" I ask, skeptically.

"To the mall," Trina answers simply as she throws her bag over her shoulder.

"What?" I protest. "No! I don't wanna go to the mall today."

"We made a deal," Trina reminds me and rolls her eyes. "Remember? Gosh, Tori, stop being so selfish." She lets out a deep, annoyed sigh.

"I'm selfish?" I repeat in angered disbelief, glaring at her with narrowed eyes. "Really? Your biggest problem is that you want shoes, and that wasn't even our deal. The deal was that I would cover for you when you use mom and dad's credit card."

"Yeah," Trina scoffs, with a sneer. "Like I care what the deal was. I'm using their credit card and I drove you to the hospital last night when I could have had a spa night. Either way, you owe me."

"Fine," I sigh deeply in defeat, not _sure_ why I decided to give in. Maybe I knew she would just keep bugging me until I gave in. Or maybe she really _did_ do me a favor because I needed to see Cat to have a weight of worry lifted off my shoulders. "But only shoes and then we're leaving," I add quickly before she gets any other ideas.

Trina smirks in triumph. "Okay lets go." She turns on her heel.

I follow her as she walks downstairs and out into her car. I sit in the passenger seat and look out the window as Trina starts to back out of our driveway. I stay silent, just thinking to myself.

I think about how school has been dull these past couple of days.

Cat and Jade have both been absent. I know Cat's been absent because she's still in the hospital, but Jade…I have no idea. No one else knows why either; I asked Andre, Beck, and even Robbie, but none of them knew. I can't help but become slightly worried about her. Even though she doesn't seem to care about _me_...I care about _her_.

The loud radio blasting into my ear rips me from my thoughts. My hand immediately flies to the volume button and I turn the music off.

Trina's eyes move away from the road as she looks at me with an annoyed expression. "Come on Tori," she protests. "That was a good song!"

Before I have the chance to respond, I hear another driver honk their horn loudly at us. Trina scowls and turns back to the windshield. She presses her lips together in a thin line as she slams her hand against the horn, the loud honk filling the entire car.

Trina turns her head to face her window and rolls it down before jutting her head out the window. "I have a horn too buddy!" she shouts angrily at the car next to us before looking back at the road.

I shake my head. "Maybe you should keep your eyes on the road, Trina," I suggest smartly.

"What's up with you?" she questions and creases her brow.

I sigh deeply. "I'm sorry," I reply distantly. "I just…I have a lot on my mind."

"Okay, well what's up?"

I twist my head to look at her with wide eyes. I part my lips slightly as surprise crosses my features. For once, Trina is _actually_ caring about someone else's problems besides her own. Of course, I might be getting carried away because we are solving her 'problem' as we speak, but still... Instead of complaining about it more, now she's asking about me.

She turns her head to look at me when she feels my eyes on her. "What?" she inquires, confused.

I blink and my eyes return to their normal state. "Eyes on the road," I remind her to avoid having another car honk their horn at her.

She quickly turns her head back to the road and shifts the wheel to get the car back on track. She licks her lips and stays silent. But even looking at her from a side angle, I know her eyes look expecting as they wait for my answer.

I swallow and start to speak, breaking the silence. "Well, I went on a date with Jade and-"

"A date? Trina asks, interrupting disapprovingly. "You went out with that gothic freak?"

I nod. "Yeah, I went on a date with Jade."

Trina knits her eyebrows. "Jade's a girl," she states, shock evident in her voice.

"Yes!" I shout slightly annoyed by her surprise. "I went out with Jade to Nozu and then we hung out together at that party you took me to."

"I just didn't know you played that way..." Trina murmurs, raising her hands up in defense.

I open my mouth to remind her of keeping both hands on the wheel, but she beats me to it. I'm surprised that she got her license when I didn't because I seem to know more about safe driving then my sister...even if I did hit an old lady on a wheel chair by accident.

"You know, you're probably just her rebound..." Trina glances at me for a moment. "Beck just broke up with her."

I hadn't actually thought of that; I never thought they had a good relationship. They were always fighting and it never seemed like they really had anything between them. I don't even know what it was, but maybe...maybe behind closed doors they actually had something? Maybe I could ask Beck and it would give me a better idea of this because it doesn't feel like it's over.

My lips curve downward into a frown. "I ended it," I tell her. "I thought she was using me, but for a different reason, and I told her that I couldn't see her anymore.

Trina doesn't notice the frown on my "Well that's good," she breathes. "If you didn't end it now, then she'll just break your heart later when you grow more feelings for her."

I bite down hard on my lip and my eyes close. I wonder if Trina doesn't think I'm good enough either. She sounds so sure that Jade would break my heart. I must be over thinking things; Trina's probably just saying that because she knows Jade is very...cold. Jade's like ice that never melts. She's never soft...always solid and hard.

Then I remember her lips, soft and juicy when they pressed against mine. Warmth spread from her chest onto mine when our bodies pressed together. The warmth flooded down my ribcage and through my limbs like a wild fire...it was there. I know it was; I could feel it. She wasn't cold or hard.

I slowly open my eyes and pull my phone out of my pocket, gripping it with my finger tips. I search for Beck in my phone and then I send him a text.

'_Hey Beck, can u come over later? I need to ask u something.'_

When the text sends, I press the lock button and hear the click. I put the phone down between my legs as I look out the window and view a row of palm trees we pass while driving to the mall.

Moments later, I feel my phone vibrate between my legs and I look down at it, seeing it light up with a message. I hug my phone into the palm of my hand and see Beck texted me back.

'_Sure. I'll be there around 6.'_

***Honeymoon Phase***

I sprawl my legs outlazily on the red couch in my living room and I rest my hands on my stomach, feeling it's slow rise and fall as I watch the TV. I yawn softly and my eyes grow heavier by the minute, but I try as hard as I can to keep them open so I don't fall asleep before Beck gets here.

I'm really tired after a long shopping trip with Trina. She agreed we would just get the shoes she wanted and then we would come back home, but then after she found a pair of shoes, she ran into a bunch of other stores…much to my dismay. I should have expected it because she's Trina and I know well enough that she doesn't have enough self-control when it comes to shopping, yet she clearly doesn't care to control herself.

The doorbell rings, resonating throughout the house.

I groan out of laziness, really not wanting to get up. But of course, I throw my legs off the couch and push myself up. I walk to the door and twist the lock, pulling the door open.

Beck stands on the other side wearing a black and yellow plaid shirt with black jeans and black leather combat boots. His hair is messy, but it always manages to look great, which I can never understand. His hands are in his pockets as he looks at me with a relaxed expression. None of the muscles in his face are tense or fixed. There are no ripples or stress lines; it's just at ease.

"Hi," he greets, quickly tilting his chin up and down in a greeting fashion.

"Hey," I greet him back, sending a friendly smile as I step aside to let him in.

I close the door once Beck walks inside and flops backwards onto the vibrant red couch. He rests his hands on his knees and his eyes follow me as I walk over and sit next to him, letting out a soft yawn.

"Tired?" he guesses.

I shrug my shoulders and lean back against the couch. "I was shopping all day with Trina," I complain, letting a small sigh escape my lips. "You know, the manager of Sephora at the mall knows her full name?" My eyes widen with interest at my own fact.

Beck furrows his eyebrows, creating ripples between his nose and forehead. "What's Sephora?" he inquires, confused.

"Oh, it's a makeup store," I tell him. "Anyway, the manager was actually nice to us, but that's probably only because they knew she would end up buying something."

Beck's eyebrows spread back apart as he nods his head. "So, what did you want to ask me?" he questions, changing the subject.

I take a deep breath, ready to ask a question that I may not want to know the answer to. But I needed to know.

"What was dating Jade really like?" I bite my lower lip.

Beck's entire body noticeably tenses in one jerk. He lets out a sigh and ducks his head as he runs his fingers through his dark wavy hair. His eyes shift down to his lap as he takes a deep breath.

"I really wanted to have Jade's trust while we were dating," he starts to explain, "But she wouldn't ever give it to me." I notice a look of disappointment cross his features, his eyes not leaving his lap. "I kept working for it, but without the trust, it was just me mistaking our physical attraction for real feelings. And I don't think Jade really had any emotional feelings for me or even cared that much."

If Jade didn't have any emotional feelings for Beck, then she must have used Beck like she used me. _He was just another prop_. I bet he offered her a lot, but she never returned any of it. However, my mind can't help but flood back to when I asked Jade to trust me and a look of uneasiness hid beneath the usual scowl painted on her features.

The memory of the look on her face conflicts me.

I snap back into reality when I hear Beck take a deep breath to calm himself down and then exhale loudly. I turn my head to look over at him and see his knuckles pressing against his lap to balance him while his eyes continue to stare downward.

"So...why did you keep getting back together with her?" I ask, curiously.

His head tilts up and his eyes meet mine. "I always wanted to give up...but something about her kept drawling me back in to try again." He pauses and his eyes fall down in thought for a moment before he looks back up at me. "I don't think it was emotional feelings for her; I think it was just the challenge of getting her to let me in because I wanted the challenge more than I wanted her…and it took me a while to realize that."

I nod slowly. "Okay... So what about Jade?" I ask, but then when I notice Beck arching his eyebrows in confusion, I open my mouth again. "I mean...why was she always so jealous if you don't think she had emotional feelings for you?"

Beck just stares at me, his eyes burning holes into my skull with his lips pressed together in a thin smile. "Jade doesn't like to share."

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**So Trina and Beck made appearances and there was a lot of Jori. What did you think? Post reviews! I'm thrilled with how many reviews, favorites, and follows this story has been getting. Also, next chapter Cat is coming back! I can't promise I'll update fast (even though I'll try) but I can promise that eventually I will. Anyway please review, I hope you liked this chapter!**


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